This Room

[Delta40]

I can usher myself in
to this coffee brown room
where faceless voices
whisper, scream, laugh.

Perusal of inkwells
other than mine
create a timeline
across my own hand.

I yearn, nay hope
awkward stanzas,
veritable verses
might stain my pallid skin.

Here, pigments blend
every secreted passion
which meld into ochres
of iron red.

[twoheadedboy]

Here, pigments blend
every secreted passion
which meld into ochres
of iron red.



I love the comma. It just makes everything. and ochre! What a great word choice.


Keep it up.

[Delta40]

Thanks THB!

[PrinceMyshkin]

Dare I think that my earlier poem had something to do with this?

Either way it skips along beautifully!

[Delta40]

I am always inspired by others!

[JMJ]

I read the title and the first stanza and immediately put on John Cage's piece for prepared piano called "A Room." It fits pretty well with this piece. The only thing I didn't like was how many times you referred to yourself: "myself in," "my pallid skin," "my own hand" to name a few. Though I understand how very personal this piece is, I think the reader is immediately aware of that and the constant self-referencing makes it, to me, seem too self-concerned.

[Jerrybaldy]

I disagree with the above. A first person narrative is well a first person.......I am not sure where this room is, I may well be in it right now, it sounds a creative place where this blooming creativity was errmm created :)
Jerry

[Delta40]

I think you both have valid points. I am referring to the poetry forum of Lit-Net of course.

[Haunted]

It seems like a great place to be, with you in it of course!

[Delta40]

Ditto Haunted!

[Silas Thorne]

Good start. I like the first two strophes. The rhythm of this one collapsed completely for me about half way through though.
Why the nay? Seems rather out of place. O say not nay, I pray! ;)

[Delta40]

I can only please some of the people, some of the time! (ok maybe the nay is a bit 'off')

[hillwalker]

Great piece Delta - and I'm assuming the shades you describe refer to LitNet's colour scheme.

You might be interested to learn that your use of the word 'meld' was until recently restricted to its initial meaning of 'to announce'.
But it was so often confused with 'melt' and 'weld' that its incorrect interpretation has become adopted as accepted usage.

H

[Delta40]

Great piece Delta - and I'm assuming the shades you describe refer to LitNet's colour scheme.

You might be interested to learn that your use of the word 'meld' was until recently restricted to its initial meaning of 'to announce'.
But it was so often confused with 'melt' and 'weld' that its incorrect interpretation has become adopted as accepted usage.

H

I did not know that and it is interesting to know how the English language evolves.