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demonic790
10-22-2010, 01:18 AM
This is an essay comparing Captain Torres from the short story "Just Lather, That's all" and the Uncle from the short story "The Fall of the City". I'm merely looking for general feedback on how it is written and if it follows the criteria for the base of writing a comparison pargraph. It's Grade 10 english.

Comparison Essay

Captain Torres, from the short story "Just Lather , That's All", and the Uncle from the short story "The Fall of the City", share some common similarities in their values. For instance, both characters admire principle. Torres is an individual that clearly creates and follows his own rules. He demands that this standard of rules are met, and expects that they be followed with complete conformity. Evidence of this is shown when Torres explains that he has captured a total of fourteen victims that did not follow his rules accordingly, "Fourteen. We had to go pretty deep into the woods to find them. But we'll get even. Not one of them comes out of this alive, not one." (Tellez, page 1). Furthermore, when he states that "The town must have learned a lesson from what we did the other day" (Tellez, page 1), it explains to the reader that, when his authority is declined, he makes the effort to enforce his laws even further. Similar to this, is the Uncle from "The Fall of the City". He also makes the attempt to create order in his household, "If he doesn't, I know something that will smarten him." (Nowlan, page 2). Just like Torres, he absolutely demands only the highest degree of respect for his authority. If this is not shown to him visually, he will go out of his way to make sure that they are, using forceful threats to do so, “You better not be, not if you want to be able to sit down the rest of the week.” (Nowlan, page 2 ). Undoubtedly, Captain Torres and the Uncle have multiple commonalities with one another. The pair value a specific standard, and if that standard is not met, action would be taken to ensure that it is.
Written by: Sean Laird

Hawkman
10-23-2010, 08:25 AM
Hi,

Firstly: "...share some common similarities in their values." you should say that they, "share some common values", or that, "they have similar values." either/or, not both, which is tautologous.

"it explains to the reader that, when his authority is declined, he makes the effort to enforce his laws even further." is the underlined portion a quote? If so it should be in quotation marks but if not you don't need the commas.

Apart from this I don't see a lot wrong with it but I can't comment on the validity of your argument as I'm not familiar with the texts.

Best, H