Empty Words

[TomKohlsi]

OK, here goes - please be nice as this is my first post and I'm only 18 so I daresay I'm not as rounded or talented as prettymuch anyone on this site.


Empty Words


Gripped by the midnight muse,
I breathlessly scribble down my thoughts,
Unaware that it’s foolish,
To try and examine myself on paper

Unaware that I’ll soon be awake,
And sober-minded,
Though I’m not drunk.
But the sombre music

Makes me wish that I were,
And the more I think,
The less I’m sure,
That what I feel is nothing more

Than the adolescent, hormonal
Turmoil, felt by all peoples,
Or something more sinister
Hiding in my soul by day

And scurrying out at night
To possess my fingers
And make me write things
That I can’t remember thinking

And to think things,
That I can’t imagine writing
And to feel things,
That I shouldn’t ….shouldn’t
Be feeling

But still I scribble on,
Deluding myself that I have talent
Tricking myself into thinking
That what I write is good

That what I write is more
Than just the random outbursts
From a normal mind
In a normal person

Stuck in an abnormal place
With an abnormal fear
A fear of not mattering
Of not being remembered

And it is with this
That half formed plans
And schemes to be known creep
Silently, stealthily, but surely

Into my mind and out of my fingers,
Seeping out of my pores
And onto my pencil,
Dripping down onto the page

To form a solid scrawl
Of nothingness,
A nothingness containing nothing,
Complete nothingness

And here is the centre of the nothingness,
The centre of the midnight muse
As the sombre music drones on
And my non-existent turmoil grows

I pick up my pencil,
And begin to write,
Empty
Words.

[tailor STATELY]

An elegant ode to empty words.

Who gets to define "normal" ? LOL

1. Perhaps: Though I’m not drunk for "Thought I’m not drunk."

2. "But the sombre music Makes me with that I were," - maybe just me, but this seems to be an awkward construction.

A worthy first post.

Welcome !

Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
tailor STATELY

[Cunninglinguist]

First, welcome to litnet! Second, There are a few people of your age here, myself included, and SaraDrago and Skia and others, probably.

I'm not sure what I think of this poem. It seems like a self-analysis, which is always worth something to the writer, but I am not sure what it might be worth to me. And the author seems to know this. What I do like though is that you develop a character well and explain it in a relatable context.

[Jake10]

Tom, the honesty expressed in this shows courage and maturity. As a teacher, I often find it difficult to convince my students that it's okay to expose themselves.

I would edit the line: Dripping down onto the page
Aside from that I enjoyed it very much.

[hillwalker]

It's fairly typical of all we go through when first exposing our thoughts to ourselves on paper. And the feeling that it is not 'normal' will fade as you gain in confidence, and realise other people have the same, shameful habit!

Rather than hiding your poems under the bed it's great that you are sharing them with others. LitNet is a good place to do this without the fear of having to confront your harshest critics face to face (although joining a local writers' group would also be a good idea as you feel more confident). And as other members have already suggested, there are quite a number of very talented young writers on here, so welcome.

This is an exercise in self-analysis, with a touch of self-criticism - I assume you are becoming aware of how writing poems can involve taking risks. Once the poem is there for all to see you are at your most vulnerable. But you're not alone. Every writer I know has gone through the same horrors - so well done on taking that first step.

The poem is rather long - could do with a trim here and there to remove some of the repetitiveness. But it does come across as an honest stream of adolescent angst, well-crafted and I particularly liked the format - lines diminishing in length towards the end like the worn-out stub of pencil.

And I'm assuming the Makes me with that I were line contains a typo - 'with' should be 'wish'?

H

[PrinceMyshkin]

I do agree with Hillwalker that this perhaps goes on too long, as the strength of what you put out in the first several stanzas gets diluted when it is merely reiterated with variations - but until then, it's both honest and persuasive.

In

The less I’m sure,
That what I feel is nothing more


"nothing" should be replaced with anything

[TomKohlsi]

Hi! Thanks for the comments everyone. Yes, I do mean 'wish', - I typed this up in a hurry when I found this website and so there are a few inexcusable typos and for that I'm sorry :-) - I'll edit that now

Tom