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love&hate
10-21-2010, 05:11 PM
I shall stay contempt
through the black jolts of hate filled thoughts
shooting through my head
for protruding anger
and rationalizations of fear
under a dark lit sky
causes contradicting psychotic spheres
for my eyes are wide
beneath my thoughts but why
the way of the world inside of me
you could never truly see
or be contempt
with the dark side of me

Delta40
10-21-2010, 05:18 PM
very strong message here. I especially like

through the black jolts of hate filled thoughts
shooting through my head

I thought of thunder bolts in your head!

The only thing I would suggest is check the punctuation. It seemed to me to be one long sentence which does not do it justice. There needs to be a full stop here and there so that each statement has wonderful impact.

Jerrybaldy
10-21-2010, 05:48 PM
Powerful words but I am not sure you can 'stay contempt' or 'be contempt'.
best wishes
Jerry

PrinceMyshkin
10-22-2010, 10:34 AM
Powerful words but I am not sure you can 'stay contempt' or 'be contempt'.
best wishes
Jerry

Agreed. It should be either "stay contemptuous" or "be filled with contempt".