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Biggus
10-21-2010, 10:57 AM
The coffee shop was quiet
Much quieter than last week
When I last saw her,
Which was also the first time
But in those seven days
She has filled my every thought
I have haunted the coffee shop everyday
But I haven’t seen her again
And today once more
There is no sign of her
I should ask the waitress
But what would I say
“Have you seen that girl?
She was here a week ago
The girl who was sat there
In that easy chair
The girl with the chestnut hair
In a pixie cut, have you seen her”?
How ridiculous would that sound?
She would think me mad
Or worse a stalker
Maybe if I told her about her smile
A smile to brighten the darkest day
Or those green eyes
Hypnotic and mesmerising,
Or that soft velvet laugh
But no I would just sound creepy
So I order a coffee instead
And sit in her corner
Drinking my coffee
While pondering my insanity
“Do you mind if I join you”?
A voice halted my musings
It was her, my quarry
She was here and she was speaking to me
“Absolutely, please do”
I replied rather pompously
“I love this corner” she said
“I like to sit and watch the world go by”
We exchanged a smile
But now she was actually here
I was speechless and my head was spinning
And I felt a little guilty
For stalking her like prey
Then, in a soft easy tone
She spoke again, which put me at my ease
“Didn’t I see you in here last week?”

Beautifull
10-21-2010, 11:55 AM
This is beautiful. I love it.

PrinceMyshkin
10-21-2010, 11:55 AM
Lovely narrative, but shouldn't you introduce a line break before


“Do you mind if I join you”?
A voice halted my musings

and switch to the present tense at that point and for the rest of the poem?

cjm12345
10-21-2010, 12:00 PM
I really liked the idea of this poem Biggus. I even think the four (nearly) identical rhymes work! The psychological build up is very acute, espcially the repetition, leading to the 'pondering insanity'...I have definately wondered about that before lol

Biggus
10-22-2010, 05:28 AM
Thank you all

PrinceMyshkin
10-22-2010, 10:18 AM
Bump.

Haunted
10-22-2010, 11:12 AM
Love it, it's like a dream come true.

Beautifull
10-22-2010, 01:07 PM
I likedit so much I had to blog about it. Once again, I have to say how much i love it. :)

http://www.online-literature.com/forums/blog.php?b=11118

Biggus
10-22-2010, 03:10 PM
Thank you all very much

Beautifull
10-23-2010, 03:14 PM
You are very welcome!

Biggus
10-25-2010, 05:59 AM
BTW I read your blog, thank you.

Beautifull
10-25-2010, 09:35 AM
BTW I read your blog, thank you.

Welcome! :D I don't know, this poem just stood out to me. :p

Maryd.
10-25-2010, 04:40 PM
Oh Biggus this one is absolutely beautiful, well done.

Buh4Bee
10-26-2010, 02:00 AM
It is too easy, but I guess these things can happen.

Biggus
10-26-2010, 04:38 AM
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you