Message from the Id of a tortured soul

[Hawkman]

Anonymous and self-obsessed,
you pour your heart out on the net,
catharsis for all sorts of crimes
committed at all sorts of times,
by you on others, them on you,
though none of you have thought it through
but still the words are stacked in piles,
when end to end they’d stretch for miles.
Kinky, savage, mean and cruel
or soppy, wet, unfit to fuel
the engine of the intellect;
the reader then will just dissect
the crippled psyche thus revealed,
in paucity of thought congealed.
Invisible, perversely smug,
you hide inside the hole you’ve dug,
while mortar bombs of bile explode
and no-man’s land is littered with dud odes.

[Delta40]

That is one heck of a flogging you just gave yourself Hawk! Wonderfully expressed and no doubt understood deeply by many. The rhythm felt like self-flagellation!

[PrinceMyshkin]

Of course this might be one of the persona you like any of us contain but normally keep out of sight and yet he or it was so far from the decorous, unfailingly civil and temperate soul I've come to know on here that I stood at some distance from the implied suffering in it.

Top of which, in a more aesthetic vein, the measured lines and end-rhymes seemed to me to contradict the anarchy an/or chaos of the soul that is the content of it.

[hillwalker]

Ouch! I guess some of us need to put on our tin hats.

Great poem, Hawk. And I'm guessing that splendid final line tripping over itself was intentional.

H

[Hawkman]

That is one heck of a flogging you just gave yourself Hawk! Wonderfully expressed and no doubt understood deeply by many. The rhythm felt like self-flagellation!

Thanks, Delta for appreciating my savage satire :D


Of course this might be one of the persona you like any of us contain but normally keep out of sight and yet he or it was so far from the decorous, unfailingly civil and temperate soul I've come to know on here that I stood at some distance from the implied suffering in it.


Well, Prince, I’m not sure why you should think that the persona revealed herein should be so different from that displayed previously in my work. I’m certainly guilty of many of the listed faults :D Savagery in satire, bile when venting, (cruelty in both) Smugness: Mea Culpa! And I have posted poems that I wish I hadn’t (but this isn’t one of them). I would, however, shy away from an accusation of soppy, kinky or wet…


Top of which, in a more aesthetic vein, the measured lines and end-rhymes seemed to me to contradict the anarchy an/or chaos of the soul that is the content of it.

As for the rationale behind the rational and ordered presentation, which you find so at variance with the implied anguish, I suppose it depends on how you define Id. In psychoanalytic theory, the Id is the unconscious, responsible for all the primitive urges which might be indicated by the list of failings itemised in the poem. These are then subject to subordination to the ego and the superego. The ego is the conscious, self-image and the superego might be construed as the conscience which criticises and imposes rationalism and order upon the Id. Therefore, it is inevitable that the message from the Id will be rationalised and structured, as it is subordinated in the psyche (at least in mine) to the remaining two thirds of the personality, which in my case like order and rhyme :D


Ouch! I guess some of us need to put on our tin hats.

Great poem, Hawk. And I'm guessing that splendid final line tripping over itself was intentional.

H

Thanks, hill, Glad you like it :D

As for that final line (which I'm glad you agree is a good one) well, I guess you could say that in this one instance, the content was expressed at the expense of the form, and in which the failure of compliance paid an extra dividend :devil:

Thank you all for reading and commenting. Live long and prosper - H

[Pensive]

and no-man’s land is littered with dud odes.

Love the expression of 'no-man's land' for the vast world of internet! :)

[Hawkman]

Thaks, Pensive, glad you like it :D

H

[Jerrybaldy]

I have read it several times and enjoyed with a certain squirm. It is saved by self deprecation alongside a pointed finger and a love maybe of all this little corner acheives for a worldwide scattering of people bleeding words.
cheers H
Jerry
an afterthought. This aint the net. The net is spreadeagled legs, poking a friend, a you tube funnyfilm. This is a dark corner visited by few, just past the coffee machine, right at the disused fax, past the skeleton on the rack, through the door that says emergency exit :D

[tailor STATELY]

All of the above (barring a few).

Curious of your choice of "dud" over 'dead' however.

[Jake10]

Breathtaking! Felicitations on a wonderful poem.

I second STATELY's curiosity, though.

[Hawkman]

Hi JB, Glad you enjoyed it (even with the squirm.) :D You must be aware that this is not the only forum where writers write, the net is littered with them. However, of all the one's I've looked at, even taking into account recent dissention, this is still the friendliest. :)

tailor, thanks for stopping by. In answer to your query - dud is used in the context of no good or defective. In keeping with the battlefield metaphor of the preceeding lines, like "...mortar bombs of bile..." and, "...no-man's land..." The word dud also has connotations of, "unexploded". while writing I was tempted to say, "unexploded odes" However, I'd used explode at the end of the previous line and dud was more appropriate in context.

Live and be well. H

PS Hi Jake, I see you posted a comment while I was writing this. Glad you enjoyed it :D for the explanation see above...

Live long and prosper - H

[PrinceMyshkin]

Bump.