I am with you.

[Jerrybaldy]

I am with you, Dad,
kick me that ball, straight and true.
I am stood, with stupid smile
grateful and awkward footed.
I am with you, Mum
you make me feel like the cord
was never cut.
If you go, that tie
will surely take me too.
I am with you, my mate,
my brother in arms,
my link to the past.
Our wrinkles fade with the beers,
our past lights up the bar.
I am with you, my love
to the end of our time
however that time may end.
I am with you, Sis
swimming in the gene pool.
Once we splashed for fun
but it seems the deep
is darker now.
I am with Stupid.
Stupid is all alone,
no matter who he is with.

[hillwalker]

Poignant and heartfelt - with your customary self-inflicted punch rather than punchline right at the end. Quite a darkly witty finale given what's gone before.

I am sure a lot of us can identify with the pleas in this poem.

H

[Maryd.]

Yes Jerry... Harsh touch for the ending.

[PrinceMyshkin]

I'm wondering if those final three lines were addressed to me because unlike the other posters I couldn't follow the logic of those sincere declarations of fellowship and filial love, and then this seeming switch to "Stupid." Implicitly, Stupid is incapable of the devotion the persona feels to others?

[cjm12345]

I am with you, my mate,
my brother in arms,
my link to the past.
Our wrinkles fade with the beers,
our past lights up the bar.

I am with you, Sis
swimming in the gene pool.
Once we splashed for fun
but it seems the deep
is darker now.



These setting for these two bits I thought were spot on - I was imagining sitting in a bar years from now with old friends brightening up more with every pint and remembered story! The closeness of 'gene pool' with the sister I also felt - a private party (no pun intended)....Cheers

[Haunted]

Are you being hard on yourself Jerry? The poem and how it controls the sentiments is actually very clever.

[Delta40]

I love your descriptive ties to family, friends and lovers. Each relationship is distinctive from each other. To be with Stupid is to be compassionate.

another poem to rock my socks!

[Jake10]

I can deeply relate to this, up until 'I am with stupid.' The contrast is interesting, but so sudden and unorthodox that it's confusing because the question of why stupid is always alone keeps dominating my thoughts about the poem. I want to ask if you were trying to point out that we sometimes take the people we are with for granted, and have our thoughts elsewhere rather than in appreciating these people?

[PrinceMyshkin]

those last three lines:


I am with Stupid.
Stupid is all alone,
no matter who he is with.

continue to puzzle and intrigue me. First, notwithstanding the explanation you offered me, I don't see how we might recognize "Stupid" when all the others - Dad, Mum, my mate, sis - are given identities that immediately place them in relation to the speaker;

and second, in what sense is "Stupid" alone even though, as stated, you are with him? It goes much deeper than the revealed circumstances vis a vis the others.

Please clarify otherwise I'll be obliged to report this to CEO (the Committee to Eradicate Obscurities).

[hillwalker]

I'm guessing it might be a reference to t-shirts that were once widely available bearing the large logo 'I'm With Stupid' and an arrow pointing to whoever was standing next to the wearer..... but of course I could be wrong.

H

[PrinceMyshkin]

I'm guessing it might be a reference to t-shirts that were once widely available bearing the large logo 'I'm With Stupid' and an arrow pointing to whoever was standing next to the wearer..... but of course I could be wrong.

H

I guess I have never seen those T-shirts, but I think it's a shrewd guess on your part. And I do think this makes sense of the pathos in the last three lines.

[Jerrybaldy]

I come home from work, grill some fishfingers, sit down to suck the breadcrumbs off and next thing I know the CEO are kicking my door down demanding answers :D

Hill is right about the T shirts and the 'I'm with stupid' logo. In my poem there is not another person who is 'stupid' its just aligning myself with the tag before the closing line. Now, Prince, call your men off and let me at my fish.

BTW I didnt realise I had failed to respond in this thread. Thanks to all above for your considered comments and cjm 12345 you lost me with the 'private party' , the CEO are on their way .

[PrinceMyshkin]

I come home from work, grill some fishfingers, sit down to suck the breadcrumbs off and next thing I know the CEO are kicking my door down demanding answers :D

Now, Prince, call your men off and let me at my fish.


They'll get you anyway for sucking the crumb off the fish-fingers.

[AuntShecky]

You know, the germ of this piece isn't bad at all.

The piece is not humorous but quite serious, yet its topic may be about a certain aspect of humor. Humor is one of the best things about being human, but in our increasingly pervasive "junk culture," humor as well as other parts of our culture tends to be -- to use Daniel Moynihan's term-- "defined down." So, for every t-shirt with a "funny" slogan, there are 10 times as many t-shirts with vulgar or insulting inscriptions, such as "I'm with Stupid" with an arrow.

The engine of this verse runs on the repetition "I'm with you,. . ." followed by the name of each member of the speaker's family with a brief memory of the person who is addressed. Then, at the conclusion we get the allusion to the t-shirt, and maybe a subtle hint that these same family members had teased or even insulted the speaker
occasionally, by having called him "stupid."

In my opinion the effect of this short piece is poignant and affecting. With the criticism of the "junk culture" working behind the scenes and between the lines, the verse is successful because it starts from the personal and rises toward making a significant statement about the world at large.

Thank you for posting this. But I will be expecting bigger and better things from you, now that we can see what you can do! :smile5:

[Pensive]

I like it! :)
Also love the last three lines and how they allow you to interpret them in so many different ways.

[dibyendra]

I felt the sincerity in your writing! Nicely finished poem!

[Jerrybaldy]

Not in writing mode so thought I would repost probably my favourite effort to keep me with the living on this forum of dreams

[Jack of Hearts]

Yeah, there's a bit of an emotional wallop to it...







J

[Delta40]

It's one of your best Jerry and you will write other moving pieces when the time is right.

[everyadventure]

I assume the N is calling himself Stupid, and that he feels alone and inadequate no matter who he's spending time with... am I close?