PDA

View Full Version : Little Things


Sincere
10-20-2010, 07:05 AM
Little Things

A single bird
on night's sky.
A distant point
on some horizon

A single drop
on some tree's leaf.
A lonely cloud
with silver lining.

Life's small gifts.
Left unseen by man,
unnoticed by his mind,
unfelt by his soul.
hillwalker
10-20-2010, 12:50 PM
A very elegant poem - simple but subtle. Thanks for sharing.

H
Sincere
10-20-2010, 01:31 PM
You're very welcome hillwalker, and thank you for your reply. The people I've shown it to say it's my best one so far (I haven't uploaded any of my others yet). I'll upload the rest soon. I hope you'll like them too.
PrinceMyshkin
10-20-2010, 03:14 PM
A very hopeful poem. I do wish, however, you would find some phrase in place of the overly familiar "silver lining."
Delta40
10-21-2010, 03:26 AM
nice microscopic look at the world to remind us all....
Jake10
10-21-2010, 03:44 AM
Very inspiring.
Pensive
10-21-2010, 10:30 AM
Love how inspirational it is! :)
Haunted
10-21-2010, 10:46 AM
It's a nice little reminder to all of us that there's a larger scheme of things.
PrinceMyshkin
10-22-2010, 10:49 AM
Bump.
Ely_Massacre
10-22-2010, 11:26 AM
Too sweet. The very last line I quoted on a different site- to you, yes. It's very touching.
Sincere
10-22-2010, 11:27 AM
Everybody, thank you for your awesome replies. PrinceMyshkin, thank you too. I see you've been in this forum for a very long time and have much more experience with poetry than me, but I'll keep Little Things as I wrote it. Please, don't take this as offence or a sign of disrespect, I just think, that if it changes every time someone thinks it could be better... In the end, it just won't be my Little Things.I hope you understand. :)
Jerrybaldy
10-22-2010, 07:21 PM
Heartwarming, Sincere.
And reading this I have no doubt you are.
cheers
jerry
twoheadedboy
10-22-2010, 08:14 PM
It could just be my overwhelming cynicism, oh wait, I am sure it is that,

but I liked the thought better than what actually was written down.

I see that you don't want to change it and that I can really relate to, but for what it's worth,

It seems like a pretty mediocre poem to me. It could have been better if it focused on one small thing and how that small thing really mattered. I don't know if I am saying what I mean, but I hope I am.


Just my opinion. Not right or wrong, just mine.
Maryd.
10-23-2010, 06:52 AM
Lovely little piece. Well done.