two poems

[breathtest]

the musically talented
are the truly gifted,
for there are no limitations
in music
and what you can achieve
with an instrument

*

2 old people
living together
in the village, in a house
that the students
pass by regularly
on their way to the bus stop

the old couple
sit together in the garden
on old wiry chairs
with coffees on the old
wiry table.
they read a book
they share the same book
taking it in turns
to read a chapter and passing it on
for the other to read

they go through the same experiences
together

[Delta40]

I'm struck by the last stanza in the second poem. Its repetitive and circular. The book reading has an appeal of togetherness and sameness but I don't think the same description of the chairs and table have the same effect. Perhaps consider reviewing it.

nice imagery Breathtest.

[Silas Thorne]

Hey dude, I like the sentiment in the first poem, but I can't really get a lot from it.

The second poem...I'll throw out some adjectives: touching, sincere, vivid, real.
I rather like the repitition of 'together' here, but maybe you can get to the meaning of the last two lines without saying them.

The sad thing is usually the old woman will outlive the old man, and that we all die alone.

[hillwalker]

The second poem is the more beguiling of the two. I enjoyed the image of a couple reading alternate chapters of a book in the same way they share each other's realities of the one (married) life.

The first - cryptic though it is - might be improved by losing the last two lines since they diminish rather than enhance the 'message'.

H

[Scheherazade]

I agree with Silas that the first poem does not give away much; to me, it feels more like a nice, tidy sentence one might come across in an essay.

As for the second poem... Over all, I like the idea but, I believe, it requires some more work.

The first stanza is a phrase (rather than a complete sentence) but the second comes in sentences and this somehow bothers me (also, why "2", out of curiousity?).

Again in the second stanza, the sentences read like they are taken from a story. I think a revision is required to get rid of some words. Without changing your choice of vocabulary and keeping in mind that I am by no means a poet, maybe something like:

the old couple,
sitting together in the garden
on old wiry chairs
with coffees on the old
wiry table,
sharing a book
taking turns
to read it chapter
by chapter

going through the same experiences
together

[breathtest]

thanks guys, i think revision is needed. i appreciate all your help, thanks for taking the time.