A Day at the Beach

[cjm12345]

Mary kneels next to her bucket and spade.
‘She’s quite happy by herself, you know,
she’ll sit there till tide comes in.’

Bored of thrashing against the waves
her bother spies her from the shore
and runs

She looks up to his face, eyes
spilling
desperate
tears.

He stands alone, feet still in the wreck,
wet sand tangled in his hair, smiling

He fears his name but does not move.
‘It was worth it’ he thinks, still smiling.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Are we to assume that her brother has willfully destroyed some sand structure she created? It's a vivid snapshot of the 'innocent' cruelties of childhood.

[cjm12345]

Yes thats right. She has been building sandcastles etc. and I was thinking of the older brother running over to ruin it intentionally (as older brothers do). Did you think that was clear enough?

It is also supposed to place the relationship between creation and destruction in a childlike setting, maybe to bring out the fragility of both??

Thanks very much for replying. This is the first poem I have posted so any comments are welcome!

[Delta40]

I think it will be a tad more clearer if you use something other than the dialogue in the first stanza. I missed the aim of this poem because I was more focused on a child sitting there until the tide comes in - and what happens when a child is carried away by the tide! nice poem overall.

[cjm12345]

lol thanks Delta40. Re-reading it I can see how you got that image...defo needs some tweeking