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lalatechnology
10-17-2010, 10:09 PM
make the words to tell her things you could never say
but stick to the point or else it becomes just an attempt
at something nobody else will ever know
oh but this will happen won’t it?
if only she could put on my brain
wrap it around her and let it seep in
let the everything seep in
because then it would all make sense
and no one would have to say a word

so when we’re old the scientist tells us it can be done
oh joy we wont die in vain
the thoughts have changed but the longing hasn’t
the language has changed but the intention hasn’t
time has only given us more to say but still unable to say it

and so I am put on her and her on I
what a thing to know
my heart pumps and my blood flows
i look across the room at her but she does not see me
i don’t understand, it hurts my body, noise is all i hear
words and images come and go but all they leave is static in their trail
i kick and flail
oh but it wasn’t supposed to be like this

Maryd.
10-17-2010, 10:12 PM
Wow, this one has blown me away. Nice one for your first post.
Mary

lalatechnology
10-17-2010, 10:38 PM
Wow, this one has blown me away. Nice one for your first post.
Mary

that's very nice of you to say, thanks.

hillwalker
10-18-2010, 05:45 AM
It took a couple of reads, especially as I thought at the very beginning it was going to be rather heavy going. But it's not. It's a very intriguing piece, and I love the way you allow the reader to reach their own conclusions. Great stuff.

H

lalatechnology
10-18-2010, 12:12 PM
It took a couple of reads, especially as I thought at the very beginning it was going to be rather heavy going. But it's not. It's a very intriguing piece, and I love the way you allow the reader to reach their own conclusions. Great stuff.

H

thanks

Jerrybaldy
10-18-2010, 12:22 PM
This did need several reads and I was left with the thought, if my understanding is correct, that your chosen name would make a very good title for your untitled.

It felt like a Bladerunner style nightmare in the last verse.
Good job.
Cheers
JerryB