Memory of Summer

[Hawkman]

The plaintive cries of buzzards haunt the ear
as drifting on untroubled air, they float
describing arcs of sky, ever wider,
as their finger-feathers feel their way to
thermals and the updrafts rising over
hills; those green hills - shimmering in distant
hazy light. They are not hunting, for they
just enjoy the day. Their eyes, precision
instruments when seeking food, encompass
all the earth in play. But far beneath them,
hovering over meadows rich with voles,
a kestrel on its greedy quest for prey
is noted but ignored by distant hawks,
as on retreating wings, their voices fade.

[hillwalker]

You would never guess you were a bird lover from this poem, Hawk.... ok, I jest.

It brings to mind hazy days at the end of summer with thermals allowing your avian pals to vent their instincts.

There are some nice touches - 'describing arcs of sky' is a vivid image.

But I had trouble with the line breaks from L4 onwards - perhaps ignoring the pentameters in each line and splitting them more naturally would help this read more easily, especially bearing in mind the image of hovering voles in line 11.

Also 'such distant hawks' stumbles in L13 (I can see why you include 'such' but it trips up the meter).

But regardless of my nit-picking, it's a pleasure to accompany you once again on a trip to the country, as ever.

H

[Hawkman]

Hi hill, thanks for pointing out the hovering voles :D I fixed that one tut suite! A case of the panda, who eats, shoots and leaves. :devil:

H

[PrinceMyshkin]

I love this for, among other things, the carefree play of end- and internal-rhymes and, as always in your poems, the imagery that often seems as if it were born right on the screen.

[Lokasenna]

This is a very enjoyable piece, blending an artistic statement with a surprisingly matter-of-fact tone - I had wondered at first whether that detracted from the poem, but actually on subsequent read-throughs I think it added to it. However, it was definitely a poem I had to read a couple of times to appreciate (not that that's a bad thing!).

I particularly liked the phrase "they float/ describing arcs of sky" - that was very well played.

[Hawkman]

Prince, You are always generous and appreciative in your comments and, as always, I thank you for them. However, I am as keen to recieve honest critique as praise, so please don't be afraid to tell me if I'm writing badly :D

Lokasenna, Thank you too for taking the time to read this poem and leave a comment. It is for me, highly evocative of a specific farm where I have filmed regularly over some five years, not just the wildlife but the activity of the farm in both Winter and Summer, including shoots, falconry, and the harvest. It is a magical place. I'm glad that you stuck with it and were able to appreciate it.

Again, many thanks to you both. Live and be well, H

[Delta40]

You have a gift for describing the outdoor life and its associations. hills, birds, wide skies

[Hawkman]

Thanks, Delta.

[AuntShecky]

The subject matter is refreshing. Verses about birds seem to echo the tradition of Tennyson's "The Eagle." I don't get the title's connection w. the poem itself, unless buzzards migrate come fall.

Some of the word choices are evocative, such as "finger-feathers" which has an Old English allusion, both in the alliteration and the hyphenated noun.

I like this--

meadows rich with voles,
but do voles surface all that much? I thought their habitat was more or less underground, like that of shrews.

Despite the passive verb construction, I like the concluding two lines.

Nice imagery in spots; in others, some "telling" rather than showing sneaks in:
here--
They are not hunting, for they
just enjoy the day.

and here--

Their eyes, precision
instruments when seeking food,
you could create a similar hyphenate-- "food-seeker" (?)

Just two more things:

Play around with the line breaks a little bit. Maybe their length could suggest in a subtle way the flight pattern of the creatures.

Couple of typos, punctuation errors

a kestrel on it’s greedy quest for prey

you want the one without the apostrophe, "its."

and in this one, an appositive rather than a new clause,
hills; those green hills - shimmering in distant

a comma after the both "hills" is sufficient.

Overall, this piece is evocative and sounds pleasant.

[Hawkman]

Hi Auntie,

Thanks for paying this poem the complement of such detailed analysis :)

With regard to specific links to a memory of Summer. The common buzzard is not migratory but they do tend to be fairly solitary outside of the breeding season. Groups are apparent during courtship, where males will compete in spectacular displays for the attention of females. I once filmed a 3 way crab, where the birds lock claws and plummet earthwards. When the young have fledged they will remain in family groups throughout the summer, but the juveniles will be driven off and seek territories of their own in Autumn. besides, hills, green or otherwise, tend not to shimmer in the haze in winter :D


I like this--

meadows rich with voles,
but do voles surface all that much? I thought their habitat was more or less underground, like that of shrews.

Having spent a couple of years observing kestrels in the breading season (I hope to have a film featuring the wildlife of this particular farm finished soon) I can state catagorically that bank and field voles form the primaray food source of the kestrel, although they do take small birds and insects too. True, the rodents like to keep under cover in long grass and vegitation but the kestrel has evolved as an efficient predator and can spot, and catch them, with relative ease.


Despite the passive verb construction, I like the concluding two lines.

Nice imagery in spots; in others, some "telling" rather than showing sneaks in:
here--
They are not hunting, for they
just enjoy the day.

and here--

Their eyes, precision
instruments when seeking food,
you could create a similar hyphenate-- "food-seeker" (?)



Well, in the first instance, buzzards (at least the European common buzzards) do play, and enjoy soaring over their expansive territories, and, at the risk of an accusation of anthropomorphism, certainly seem to be enjoying themselves to me. By saying, "they are not hunting," yes, I agree that that there is an element of telling, but I would argue that there is generally sufficient showing in the rest of the poem to counter balance the occasional tell. Personally, I consider that an occasional departure from metaphor and similie makes a welcome break. I wonder, how else could one define the difference between play and the quest for food within the strictures of form and metre which I set myself? I accept that perhaps I shouldn't have, but I believe it was you who once accused me of not taking risks :D Of course you may have been referring to subject, but an unrhymed sonnet with complex enjambment, is quite risky :)



Just two more things:

Play around with the line breaks a little bit. Maybe their length could suggest in a subtle way the flight pattern of the creatures.

Couple of typos, punctuation errors

a kestrel on it’s greedy quest for prey

you want the one without the apostrophe, "its."

and in this one, an appositive rather than a new clause,
hills; those green hills - shimmering in distant

a comma after the both "hills" is sufficient.

Overall, this piece is evocative and sounds pleasant.

Thanks for pointing out the typo in 'its', but the semicolon? my dictionary says that a semicolon is used to indicate a pause greater than a comma. By employing one, I am telling the reader how to read the poem, I want a longer pause before 'those green hills, than a comma would indicate. Is this wrong?

Anyway, thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts. Best, H