walls and depression and crying and silence

[breathtest]

Walls vibrate sometimes, and sometimes
you can't breathe
and the walls
shake.
These are the days when
nothing you do
will fulfill you; when you wake up
and you don't understand things,
like why you ended up
comforting a crying drunk
in the street,
or why
after all your infant years
do you suffer so badly now.

The cars pass by like
crying fits,
and the quiet
is less comforting
than before.

[Maryd.]

Very deep breathtest... I like it. Especially the last five lines. Well done sir.

[PrinceMyshkin]

The title promised me a lot! And the poem most certainly delivered on that promise. I love the way this poem is utterly true to the moment of its conception.

[Jesterhead]

I would consider changing the title, somehow it reads odd to me with all the &&&&.

As for the poem, I like it. I like the overall meaning and the images, well done.

[Jerrybaldy]

I felt a hopelessness running straight through it hand in hand with desparation.
well captured.
JerryB

[hillwalker]

It paints a very effective picture of the humdrum of life becoming all too much - which is why the title is actually quite fitting - words and thoughts spilling out of a disturbed mind, then silence.

H

[Silas Thorne]

Excellent work! I love the line breaks! Powerful, painful, stuff!
That 'the cars pass by like/crying fits,' bit really impressed me.

I don't see anything wrong with the title. It says what it is, man.

Kexi ya, kexi! (What a shame!) I'd love to hear you read this ****! Don't take this as a criticism at all, I love it, it's fresh. Your flow has infected my brain in good ways. Thanks for sharing!

[breathtest]

thanks to all you guys for the great comments. this poem meant a lot to me, i'm very happy you liked it.

[Bastard Child]

You show a lot of promise.
Your use of uncertainty especially is quite telling: you employ the vague as your willing slave, as some simple, near disposable minion; the abstract here is to you nothing so much as absolute furniture - some perfect non-entity reposed calmly unto itself, that ultimately means nothing and poses no threat whatsoever, and yet has nonetheless lodged itself within your heart; you caress the oblique and unintentionally entice it and predispose it in your favor, yet never at a disadvantage to yourself...
You will go far along this line if you keep it up...

[breathtest]

thanks so much bastard child. i appreciate you reading my work.