i love

[nightshifft]

i love

i love the blindness that stops you from loveing me
i love the coldness that once was fire
i love the lonelyness that lives inside
i love the smile that used to grace your face
i love the way you inspire me to cry
i love the way i wither and die
i love the tears lost unnoticed in the dirt
i love the darkness that grips my mind
i love the child that will never be mine
i love the fact that iam running out of time
i love the lover who beckons from memorys past
i love the cold spector of my own death
i love to hate this horrible fate
dark

[Delta40]

Have you thought of breaking this into say, 4 line stanzas with other stanzas which do not start with 'I love' between each one? The sentiments here are most gripping but i fear they are lost in the framing of each line.

[Seachriya]

The way you keep using the words "I love" on every line, is full on like BAM in your face! It's like you expect every sentance to start the same and have it dragging along. ;-;

[hillwalker]

It's a very atmospheric piece and I found the repeated 'I love' worked well enough, especially as some of the things you love are quite negative.

There are a few glaring typos -

loveing - loving
lonelyness - loneliness
spector - spectre

you also would do well to check out the rules before posting - we are encouraged not to post more than 1 new thread a day (so your 2 postings should have been on the one thread).

H

[tailor STATELY]

... Of Dark Poetry in the Virtual World

I love the pathos that you prose
so modest of pitying rhyme
I love the black poem you've shared
of thoughts near, overtly exposed

I hate the fact I know not whence
nor why your darksome thoughts o'erflow
I hate the helplessness I feel
for lack to bear your sufferance

:tailor STATELY

[PrinceMyshkin]

I'd like to endorse Delta40's suggestion. As it stands now I tended to blur over the predictable, repeated "I love"s. It soon lost whatever vitality it had to begin with.

[AuntShecky]

Poetic devices are simply tools to fulfill a specific purpose. In the same way that a carpenter wouldn't necessarily use a hammer after the nail goes through, a poet uses a particular rhetorical tool in order to express the meaning of a few lines or a stanza effectively. The over-use of anaphora in this piece detracts from whatever meaning this piece attempts to show.

Secondly, it would be good if you would show some respect for this website, your readers, and above all the language. Please, please, please do not post anything without first proofreading and editing your piece for grammar, spelling, and punctuation.

Finally, please follow the rules of this forum by refraining from posting more than one piece in a separate thread on a single day. I found that putting all of one's work in one thread is the best course of action, both for readers and for the would-be poet himself.

[Jerrybaldy]

I think you could have got away with one 'I love' followed by everything else.
For balance, I disagree with the use of a single thread for all of one's poetry as I find it troublesome to find the latest posting and sometimes impossible to tell if there is a new thread at all. As it stands this site does not allow you to know.
best wishes
JerryB

[Jerrybaldy]

Some good constructive criticism I thought until post #7 when, ironically, a hammer seems to have been employed.

[AuntShecky]

For balance, I disagree with the use of a single thread for all of one's poetry as I find it troublesome to find the latest posting and sometimes impossible to tell if there is a new thread at all. As it stands this site does not allow you to know.
best wishes
JerryB

It's my understanding that every reply that is posted automatically gets bumped to the top of the queue in
"New Posts."

[Scheherazade]

For balance, I disagree with the use of a single thread for all of one's poetry as I find it troublesome to find the latest posting and sometimes impossible to tell if there is a new thread at all. As it stands this site does not allow you to know.
best wishes
JerryBJerry,

Any thread, regardless of their starting date, gets to the top of the list as soon as someone makes a new post in them. So whether you click on "New Post" at the top of the page or go to the "Personal Poetry" section, all the threads will be listed in the chronological order of the latest post in them (not when they were created).

So, merging threads created by the same user helps in that we don't get five threads created by the same member; just one. And this, in return, gives everyone an equal opportunity to be closer to the top of the page and get a chance in viewing.

Hope this helps answer everyone's questions regarding this issue.

:)