If longing is a thick book

[angliholic]

If longing is a thick book,
then I shouldn't have met you,
or I should've forgotten completely about you.

Once the book is opened,
it takes ages and ages to read it through.
It's like the long and winding road before me~
I shouldn't have set off on foot in the first place.

Now I'm a fish out of water,
longing for you like a permafrost tundra
waiting for a green summer.

[Delta40]

I had to read this twice to get the gist. so you have no patience with thick books - a journey you would never have undertaken in the first place. yet it seems you have and are a fish out of water (a partly read book?)

I smile at the thought of a fish in desperate need of feet!

Thanks Ang

[iRead]

Very good! I like it! It's very similar to the dilemma I'm facing now.
I began Ulysses (James Joyce) and vowed to finish it. It's been nearly a whole week and I'm only 214 pages in.
Yes, perhaps some of you could read faster, but when you're my age its difficult to comprehend and even finish the monster of a book.
Sorry 'bout the off-topicness, I especially like the ending. "Permafrost tundra". Lovin' it. Thanks for posting!

[hillwalker]

It took me a while to get to grips with the idea behind this - that you're not big on 'commitment' when it comes to relationships.

The metaphors here are very original as in most of your work - but there are one or two lines I struggled with :


If longing is a thick book,
then I shouldn't have met you,
or I should've forgotten completely about you.

In this context L2 had me scratching my head at first : I couldn't seem to shake off the idea of the 'book' standing in the way of this 'meeting'. That you were too busy reading through it to pursue the relationship.

Perhaps 'then I would rather not have met you' makes more sense, suggesting you had a choice either to open the book or keep it closed (a choice to commit yourself to a relationship that would be far from easy or give up).

The same could apply to your use of 'shouldn't have' in the final line of verse 2 - although in this case one does accept the first step on that road has been taken.

You might consider replacing 'ages and ages' as well - not a great expression and it lies uncomfortably in such a lyrical poem. The expression 'fish out of water' is also a cliche but as Delta says it does add a certain humour to the situation.

This is an enjoyable piece, and I particularly liked the image of permafrost lying in wait for spring.

H

[adityasam]

WOW, What a comparison. I liked it. Thanks for this piece.

Favourite Lines


Now I'm a fish out of water,
longing for you like a permafrost tundra
waiting for a green summer.


Regards

[PrinceMyshkin]

I'm a sucker for your titles, and I followed you happily from verse one (book) to verse two (book=road) but wanted to cry "Foul!" when the metaphor changed in 3, this time to a "fish." Where's the logical continuity? Could the metaphor in 3 have equally been a damp dish-rag? a dumpster at the end of the block?