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Delta40
10-10-2010, 10:00 PM
Daisy was fresh laid at Greyfriars
to be snatched under cover of night.
Like weavers, bakers and cobblers
They would seize her kindred site.

Tho relatives kept a sharp vigil
planted heather branches in vain,
While the rich crafted steel cages
to protect their familial pain.

A few feet away from the dead,
some stealthful robbers dug
a makeshift turf trapdoor
with an old spade made of wood.

The bereft believed she was safe
from the fiery gates of Hell
as her corpse was thieved uknown
by men who could stand the smell.

You see, at Edinburgh University
trafficking the dead was nightly
the delivery of young Daisy
was a task not managed lightly.

Freshness rewarded a much higher price
I agree said Dr Knox.
The warmer they are the better
We'll even dissect their socks.

So murderous horror hit the street
led by the hands of Burke,
young Hare obliged to aide him
to promote their grisly work.

Mercifully dark deeds unravelled
like the resistance of 'Daft Jamie'
when the suffocated young man
failed to come home to mammie.

Finally a nosey neighbour
checked under Burkes framed bede
to uncover the final victim
as proof of treacherous deed.

Burke was hanged from his neck
vengeance commanded we should
have his death certificate signed
by a quill dipped in his own blood.

Today street urchins chant:
Burke was a butcher, Hare was a thief
and old Knox was willing
to pay pounds for their beef

Jassy Melson
10-11-2010, 12:20 AM
Deft use of rhyme in this poem, and an interesting story it tells, until the ending. There needs to be a stanza included after the eighth stanza showing or telling how the two body snatchers were caught or met their just reward.

Delta40
10-11-2010, 01:08 AM
You're right Jassy I will get to work on it now. thank you for your comments.

hillwalker
10-11-2010, 05:49 AM
Nicely done, Delta; and you have captured perfectly the sense of time with your use of images and words.

I did wonder whether 'candlestick-makers' might have been better than 'cobblers' to extend the rhythm to the 3rd line (as well as include an internal rhyme).

Also the tenses get a bit muddled

Tho relatives kept a sharp vigil
plant heather branches in vain,

and verse 3 is also marooned in the present tense - but for the sake of the 'pigs' rhyme I guess.

Very enjoyable

H

PrinceMyshkin
10-11-2010, 09:05 AM
I'd rather this had been done without rhyme or with ones that didn't clang at times as, most objectionably, "rest/zest". The rhymes provided me something of jauntiness that was at odds with the grisly details of this horrible practice.

Delta40
10-11-2010, 09:16 AM
I'd rather this had been done without rhyme or with ones that didn't clang at times as, most objectionably, "rest/zest". The rhymes provided me something of jauntiness that was at odds with the grisly details of this horrible practice.

I think the jauntiness enhances the horror of it all - just as you would tell it to a small child as a favourite bedtime tale!


Nicely done, Delta; and you have captured perfectly the sense of time with your use of images and words.

I did wonder whether 'candlestick-makers' might have been better than 'cobblers' to extend the rhythm to the 3rd line (as well as include an internal rhyme).

Also the tenses get a bit muddled

Tho relatives kept a sharp vigil
plant heather branches in vain,

and verse 3 is also marooned in the present tense - but for the sake of the 'pigs' rhyme I guess.

Very enjoyable

H

Thanks Hill. I have made the changes you suggested. I did actually think of candlestick makers but it was too much like the rhyme so I left it.

:svengo:I wrote this poem in order to avoid having to apply for a job yesterday. Call it procrastination at its best or supreme sacrifice....

hillwalker
10-11-2010, 05:19 PM
Their loss is our gain!

H

Delta40
10-11-2010, 05:24 PM
Their loss is our gain!

H

I'm going to try to squeeze the application through during workhours but I could also read the Gunpowder plot as a back up dodger

zoolane
10-12-2010, 04:25 AM
:svengo:I wrote this poem in order to avoid having to apply for a job yesterday. Call it procrastination at its best or supreme sacrifice....

You bad girl. I love poem and reference English history in your recent poems.

Delta40
10-12-2010, 05:09 AM
that story about my dog is true. I've come home from work early. the job application can wait.

Scheherazade
10-12-2010, 12:20 PM
Really enjoyed reading this, Delta!

I like the fact that you pick unique topics for your poems, keeping away from cliches.

Delta40
10-12-2010, 04:53 PM
Really enjoyed reading this, Delta!

I like the fact that you pick unique topics for your poems, keeping away from cliches.

Thanks Scheherazade. Writing poems of this kind and size is quite new to me

Jerrybaldy
10-12-2010, 06:18 PM
Hi Delta
their aint no pat like an ex pat. Burke and Hare. Very undeltaesque and much as I love your kitchen sink dramas and tilting of the everyday this is accomplished and historic. I still enjoy you best when at your quirkiest, but that is just my taste and no guide to anything at all.
vegimites
JerryB