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zoolane
10-10-2010, 03:11 PM
The Way Home.

I wander down the dark street, and with my heart in my mouth. I hold on to my child hand for dear life. I can see a group of youths. As we get further into the wild, and starting to pray silence in my head. There on the edge. A bloom of youth stare at us. I am try to walking fast but her little legs can't keep up.

The juvenile is come toward us. I am picking her up and try running. My daughter began to crying and screaming in fear. Their intersection coming up. I am quickly turn left and yob has gone from my sight. I lean against wall. I want to lets tears roll down my face, but I can't. I put her down next to me and try pull my together for her sake.

My darling little girl is whine for her dinner and bed. I give her hand squeeze and smile my best smile.
The yobs are back with their shouts abuse and threatening behavior. Suddenly stone hit my little one head and swoosh of blood start to fell past her hazel brown eye. I am starting think should not left my sister today and stay night.

We nearly home. I see my front door. I pick her up and running for garden. I stumble in bag for keys, and she stand clinging on for her life. I open the door and we are finally home.

hillwalker
10-10-2010, 03:42 PM
A disturbing story told from the perspective of a concerned mother and you do a fine job.

But I was confused by the phrase 'bloom of youth' so I did not understand you were referring to a group of anti-social youths or juveniles until later on in the piece.

H

zoolane
10-10-2010, 03:46 PM
A disturbing story told from the perspective of a concerned mother and you do a fine job.

But I was confused by the phrase 'bloom of youth' so I did not understand you were referring to a group of anti-social youths or juveniles until later on in the piece.

H

I will this done because I couldn't think of poem for it. I was bit bore as well.
The phase 'bloom of youth' was suppose bit of sarcasm or ironic but obvious it does not work.

Little Charlotte gave me idea as she on way bed.

hillwalker
10-10-2010, 03:53 PM
The phase 'bloom of youth' was suppose bit of sarcasm or ironic but obvious it does not work.
Little Charlotte gave me idea as she on way bed.

If you tell us beforehand that there are some kids haging around then 'bloom of youth' is a clever and original way of referring to them - so don't get rid, just juggle the story around slightly. That way the reader will know exactly what you mean and applaud your sarcastic tone.

And your daughter is obviously a great inspiration :-)

H

zoolane
10-10-2010, 04:03 PM
If you tell us beforehand that there are some kids hanging around then 'bloom of youth' is a clever and original way of referring to them - so don't get rid, just juggle the story around slightly. That way the reader will know exactly what you mean and applaud your sarcastic tone.

And your daughter is obviously a great inspiration :-)

H

I have add a short sentence within 1st paragraph.