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zoolane
10-09-2010, 10:48 AM
Young Love revision.

It a start of a new year in Cambridge high school. There pupils going in the gate and hang outside. The head teacher came to main gate and few pupils went missing out sight. Most of them went it.

Their was boy now in 9 year, and hes is name was Kevin. In hes form room, their was new girl starting today. The girl enter the room. The all girls in class is whisper but the boys jaws fell to the floor.

The teacher said 'this Orhid and please make her feel welcome'
Orhid just smile. Kevin nudge hes mate and said ' WOW, She got wicked smile and she got sky blue eyes'.

At lunchtime, Orhid was heading the wildflower garden but she being stop by hang boys and girls. Kevin thought they were probably throw 20 questions her and hes really want to go over. The teacher beat him to. As she walking away, Kevin notice that she is about 6ft, with slender frame, long dyer bright red hair. The school uniform is ordinary look but she adapt to her unique way. Now Kevin other hand is quite plain look, hes is 5ft, with dark brown hair, skinny build with emerald eyes.


A few weeks has past since Orhid's first day, but its lunchtime again. The playground is divide in 2 sections, the top part is were geeks, nerds and computer freaks hang-out. The other end is for cool, popular, fashionable and smoking kids hang-out. Kevin is not geek by any mean but nor is one cool kids. Kevin and mates always hang out on edge of field. On the field is the wild garden were Orhid spent of lunch and break time.

It was Monday again. Kevin 1st lesson is double English, normal he hate it but today is different. As hes walking in room. Much to hes surprise, Orhid is on the table to left of door and Kevin usual feeling brave. He sit next her. Orhid glance round that Kevin but carry on stare at the teacher. The teacher hand out William Shakespeare's 'Romeo and Juliet' . The teacher tell them to sit in pairs and read ed 1 chapter then discuss.

Its now lunchtime, poor Kevin is getting 20 question from hes mates, and about most famous girl in school. Kevin declined to answers and said 'only worked with her 1 class'. One of Kevin's best friend bet that he couldn't get date with Orhid and Kevin agree to the bet. Well Kevin summoned up all courage and with friends egg him on. Kevin confidence stride across play ground toward wild flower garden and sit on bench next to her.
Kevin said ' Hello again, fancy meet you here?''.
Orhid said '' F**k off, I am kind busy''.
Kevin stumble bit then after few awkward minutes. He open hes mouth and said ''er mm actual want talk to you about homework''.
Orhid said '' so what about it''.
Kevin said '' do what meet and write essay together . Like Mrs said to?''.
Orhid said '' OK. I will meet you that library at 5pm tonight''.
Kevin said ''OK see you here'' .
Kevin got up and left. Now hes out from garden, hes begin run and punch air with satisfaction.

zoolane
10-09-2010, 11:58 AM
The is 5 pm, and Kevin met Orhid in library. They were both their until closed. They met all this week and both realise that had lots in common. A month had past, by now in was all round school that Kevin and Orhid are item. They always together inside and outside school. The emails that Kevin receive from Orhid. In a day its about 10 a day. Some are bit weird, she sent him poems and all dark. Kevin indulge Orhid bit in her fantasy world but not real.

Orhid starting act bit weird, and Kevin thinks it nothing. Kevin is checking hes email when were Orhid pop on MSN messenger.
Orhid type a message '' come round Friday at 8pm and being smart'.
Kevin type ''I accept your invite lol but what about your parents?''
Orhid type back ''Oh they out town for this weekend''.

Friday evening is here at last, Kevin is in best black jeans, a light purple shirt and black shoes. As he walking slow toward Orhid's house. He got glint in hes eye, and with thoughts of Orhid drive on him mad. He will lose he virginity tonight?
Kevin push door bell which play tune to 'Brady bunch'.
Orhid opens door, wear a satin, off shoulder and aubergine short number.
Kevin said ''you look stunning in at dress''.

Now Kevin sit at Oak dining table, with red candles and lights dim for romantic effort. A bottle of red wine so sitting on table.
Orhid even remember the music which is Barry White. Half way through meal, Orhid starting tease Kevin with her foot and rub it all way to tackle and down again.

After meal she suggest that Kevin wait in her bedroom. While she clear way. Kevin is now waiting patience on her bed. Orhid's bed is magenta so is walls and ceiling. On the desk is her laptop which lime green. He open it and click on the screen. Kevin is shocked by what hes see. On the screen there suicide website and note from Orhid and himself.

Orhid come in and slip out of her dress and laid on bed with only flame red underwear on. She beckon Kevin over. Kevin gulp with delight and head straight for bed.
She gentle cradle him on her bosom and said '' I hope you do not remind but laces everything''. They slowly drift way in each arms


Question is did Kevin know about what Orhid was plan?

hillwalker
10-09-2010, 01:36 PM
Answer - I doubt that he knew her intentions, although 'Romeo and Juliet' and her interest in suicide sites might have given the reader a clue.

This is better than your first version - more realistic as far as the interplay between the two main characters (especially early on in the story).

I think in this sentence 'Kevin said ''you look stunned in at dress'''.

you meant 'stunning' not 'stunned' - there is a big difference!!!

H

zoolane
10-09-2010, 01:42 PM
Answer - I doubt that he knew her intentions, although 'Romeo and Juliet' and her interest in suicide sites might have given the reader a clue.

This is better than your first version - more realistic as far as the interplay between the two main characters (especially early on in the story).

I think in this sentence 'Kevin said ''you look stunned in at dress'''.

you meant 'stunning' not 'stunned' - there is a big difference!!!

H

Thank you H I have made changed and I alway seem to do the 1 version as rough draft. :smilielol5: