Bedtime.

[Jerrybaldy]

Rest your pretty head now.
Sleep.
Yes, I still love you,
no, not in the same way.
Yes, still when wearing my black work socks.
Yes, I will undo all the bad love.
No, I won't leave you,
we are quite fine, nothing is wrong.
I know I have been quiet,
yes, I think too much.
No, you are not becoming your Mother
(I wouldn't really know).
Yes, I still fancy you,
no, younger women do not turn my head.
Sleep now.
No, your father cannot hurt you anymore.
Yes, my arms are the best place to be.
I will love you forever.
Yes, we both said that before,
yes, it will be different this time.
Is the alarm set for seven?
I would never ever leave.
Yes, I will right all those wrongs.
No, your body has not been wrecked by childbirth.
Yes, we should kiss more.
No, I won't die before you.
Yes, everything will be okay.
Rest your pretty head now.
Sleep.
I only wish, I could.

[Haunted]

Love it! A dialogue in someone's head? Jerry you're the master of little white lies. It's sad and poignant amidst "who are you kidding?!"

[Delta40]

lies? I didn't think they were. I got the impression its the responsibility he accepts as part of the love he has for her. The weight of it all keeps him awake. But it is early days and I have only just glimpsed this poems surface. Let it marinate in my mind for a while and I will see if my view changes. powerful writing Jerry

[PrinceMyshkin]

Jerry! This is so tender! Tender and true. Worthy of the name of Jerry.

[Maryd.]

Jerry... Sigh... :( :(

[Scheherazade]

Jerry,

I have really enjoyed this (and it is the first poem I have read on this Friday morning, too!). Wonder how many couples have similar conversations at their bedtime all over the world and what makes it striking, in my opinion, is the fact that we hear only the man's side (and emotional sensitivity is supposed to be a woman's prerogative!). And you have managed to let us have little peeks at their personal and joint histories even though the poem is written only in Simple Present and Future Tenses.

Despite the promises he makes -with all the good intentions, I believe-, the ending is rather is poignant, making me wonder if it will really work out or at what cost.

Yes, I really like this.

I am not sure if it is intentional but "wont" requires an apostrophe (on both occassions you used them, it was left out).

Also, and this is nothing more than a personal whim on my side because I like that line, I wonder if it would sound better if the lines "Rest your pretty head now./Sleep" appeared at the beginning of the poem and repeated again at the end too? I feel it might bring the poem would come a full circle before the delivery of "I only wish I could too."

As I said this is not as such a suggestion but a mere unpoetic musing on my side.

:)

[Hawkman]

I like the idea behind this and it does work rather well, with that ironic last line being particularly effective. Not sure about every statement, save one having a line to itself and ending with a full stop. I think my preference would have been to have it flow a little more smoothly, but this is a subjective preference. The opening line:

"Lay your head and sleep."

is missing at least one word though. "Lay down your head and sleep." might be better, although a bit tired (excuse the pun). What would be more in keeping with the rest of the poem's tone would be: "Lie down and sleep." (although this might lessen the impact of the ironic last line).

I did enjoy the humour of it though.

Best. H

[hillwalker]

I liked this, a very accurate example of the 'pillow talk' most couples have at one time or another.

.. and isn't it strange how the most honest dialogue takes place in the dark when two people are lying next to each other than in a well-lit room sitting facing each other (in my experience anyway).

I blame it on our caveman past.

H

[Delta40]

I liked this, a very accurate example of the 'pillow talk' most couples have at one time or another.

.. and isn't it strange how the most honest dialogue takes place in the dark when two people are lying next to each other than in a well-lit room sitting facing each other (in my experience anyway).

I blame it on our caveman past.

H

we shine our light in the dark

[Haunted]

Jerry, this gets better with every read. I just want to add a few words.

I love your stuff because you deal with the human condition in the most clever way. You don't drown your stuff in thick imageries and symbolisms, instead you take an idea and use humor and cynicism and utmost pity to make your point.

Here I hear a lot of "real" dialogues between couples, but isn't it mostly iobligatory talk to mask what they can't face? Do they mean every word of it? Your last line says it all:


I only wish, I could.

I wish every person has the kindness if not truthfulness as in this poem.

[Jerrybaldy]

Thank you one and all. I have taken all good advice (it all was) and made changes. Thanks for your thoughts and comments and thank you haunted for your compliments.

I like this one today for the truths it captured.
best wishes
JerryB