Neighbourhood Watch

[hillwalker]

NEIGHBOURHOOD WATCH

Friday night shenanigans;
another spill of lager-louts
monopolising every corner street-lamp,
every vacant bus-stop shelter;
bevvied to their eyeballs,
quicksand pavement up to their knees
as they puke their venom on the cobbles;
slops of red-sauce chip-van burgers
and too much ‘Tennents Super T’ on special offer.

Threatened with nets and poisoned bait,
12-bore buck-shot and ASBOs,
the skirl of gulls evacuates the wet-washed streets
and targets a slime-soaked, barnacled rock offshore
where hair-extensions of seaweed straggle on the disco currents;
dreadlocks and corn-rows swaying to the beat
like some crowd-pleasing, head-banging feedback
from a long-forgotten, stadium-rock power-anthem.

They karaoke all hours,
cackling profanities as they compare notes,
eyeing up the local skirt,
the under-aged gangsta-rap groupies,
logoing their territory and marking out their turf.

White graffiti tagging each skerry,
keeping them bonxie boys at bay
as the brine-rich brew of swelling sea and scent of ozone
slowly gets them off their heads;
starts them spinning in circles and screaming abuse
as they binge on herring….. and shellfish….. and smelt,
regurgitate fish suppers for the next delinquent generation
then preen themselves legless.


*ASBOs = Anti-Social Behaviour Orders (handed out by the courts to curb hooliganism)

**Bonxies = local term for Great Skuas

H

[Hawkman]

Hi hill,

The parallel scenarios of the hoodies and the gulls works well for me. I think it's a nice idea well executed with the added bonus of your trademark plethora of intense imagery. Very vivdly painted and a pleasure to read.

Best. H

[Silas Thorne]

:) Wow! This is excellent. Beautiful, but ugly at the same time. I would say it was 'ugly with life' but you might think it was a criticism of your poem, which I think is excellent.

The parallels drawn between the human and avian worlds are deep, and the language is wonderfully rich and clever. I'll resist from quoting the thing too much in case you want to take it off here eventually, but the phrases 'special offer', 'hair-extensions of seaweed straggle on the disco currents' , 'regurgitate fish suppers for the next delinquent generation' really amazed me.

Just one critical comment, you know you're free to ignore it anyway, and I don't know how you read the thing aloud, but the last two lines of the second stanza seems a bit mouthy to read aloud. Probably just me though. :)

A gang always turns up every time I leave some fish n chips at the beach and fights over it. It can be really vicious.

Bravo!

[PrinceMyshkin]

One needs a good set of choppers to handle your characteristically rich cassoulet of chewy adjectives, nouns, &c. Bravo!

[hillwalker]

Thanks @Hawk and @Prince - 'a pleasure to read' as long as you still have all your own teeth of course.

and @Silas - many thanks for your attentive reading.
I do generally try to test a piece out loud before putting the final full stop because poems often look better than they sound on first reading. I agree that some of the lines are rather densely worded - the proliferation of hyphenated words was intentional to replicate the rhythm of rap (as spoke by de gulls, of course, bro).
So those two particular lines sound a bit bombastic, but were meant to echo the disco beat as it were - although, do they actually have discos nowadays? probably not.....

Thanks again

H

[Scheherazade]

This is great, Hill... Especially to read out loud. The rhythm you created fills me with the urge to head-bang as well.

The first stanza is my favorite; even if you had stopped there, I would have loved it.

I agree with Silas that the ending of the stanza 2 is a little crowded and the phrase "stadium-rock power-anthem" feels a little forced to me.

"ASBOs" does not require an apostrophe, I think.

:)

[Delta40]

I'm a poor critic. I get so swept away by the imagery of a poem that I barely notice its rhythm. I didn't notice your rhythm here as I lost myself in the animal behaviour of drunken youth. great piece Hill.

[hillwalker]

Thank you @Scher -

long-forgotten stadium-rock power-anthem

is indeed a mouthful but I felt the chain of words fitted together at the time of writing,
and as for acronyms I'm never sure when pluralising them whether an apostrophe is to be used or not but logically it should obviously not be necessary

and @Delta, thanks also for your comment - not so much teenagers acting like animals as perhaps animals acting like teenagers.....

H

[Haunted]

A sobering picture of social and cultural decadence. I smelled the stale beer spills and puke on the sidewalk before getting all grossed out by the "hair-extensions of seaweed". eek.

The ending lines are brilliant:

regurgitate fish suppers for the next delinquent generation
then preen themselves legless.

[Lumiere]

After reading the comments, I had to have another go at it with rap in mind - it's very consonantly rich, and with that jagged forward flow characteristic of rap. Satisfying to read, if only for the sounds alone.

But not for the sounds alone; I got a taste (and not an altogether pleasant one, I assure you!) of those Friday nights.

"preen themselves legless" is a brilliant ending.

[hillwalker]

Thanks so much @Haunted, though I think you might have read too much into the first part of the piece -


A sobering picture of social and cultural decadence.

True as your comment is about the current state of many parts of the UK (and perhaps the US) the poem was actually meant to be about sea-birds behaving like drunken gangs of teenagers rather than the other way around (but disguised at the beginning as social commentary rather than wildlife documentary!). We condemn teenagers for performing their mating rituals and rites of passage in public - yet when birds behave in pretty much the same way we go 'ooh' with delight!!


and @Lumiere - thanks for persevering with the rap issue - if you've ever listened to a gang of gulls fighting off other birds infringing on their home patch you'll get the picture.

H

[Haunted]

ahh, I missed this clue: "Threatened with nets and poisoned bait". My mind was immediately occupied by the drinking and peeing scene in Hoboken, NJ. It was quite memorable, especially the stench.

[hillwalker]

Of course, nets and poisoned bait, together with 12-bore buck-shot might solve all your problems over there!

[Haunted]

LOL it would!!

[Delta40]

True as your comment is about the current state of many parts of the UK (and perhaps the US) the poem was actually meant to be about sea-birds behaving like drunken gangs of teenagers rather than the other way around (but disguised at the beginning as social commentary rather than wildlife documentary!). We condemn teenagers for performing their mating rituals and rites of passage in public - yet when birds behave in pretty much the same way we go 'ooh' with delight!!H


:dupe:I would never have drawn such a comparison between birds and teens! Not all birds are young like teens - its the adult behaviour that bother me...

[hillwalker]

:dupe:I would never have drawn such a comparison between birds and teens!

Dudess - if you really watch them (sea-birds in particular) they fight amongst themselves over the most trivial matters, they gorge themselves on junk fish, they mark their territory with guano graffiti and drive off anybody not in their posse, cause a general ruckus and racket just because it makes them feel good, constantly preen themselves and pose (mating displays) and have even been known to attack other species (I have the scars to prove it) when protecting their nesting colonies or their young.

When I used to live in Wales there were gulls nesting on my roof and once their eggs hatched we couldn't leave the house without using an open umbrella for fear of being dive-bombed. Charming creatures.

H

[Delta40]

Perhaps they're more civilised in Oz due to the lack of population and wide open spaces....

[Jerrybaldy]

Hill
Well you had me! I thought I was reading a social commentary with the gulls the lesser end of the analaogy.
The seamless switching between gulls and louts was skillfully done and despite both despicable subjects it was a pleasure to read.
cheers
JerryB

[hillwalker]

Thank you both -

@Jerry - it was intended to be read more than once in the hope the message would get through eventually (lol) - perhaps if David Attenburgh had been reading it to everybody.....

and yes, @Delta, I think you could be right. They're certainly worse where there's a chance of a free hand-out from the holiday makers.

H

[Delta40]

The seagulls here in australia make such an annoying noise - nothing like English ones at all. Still, I see the meaning in your poem now and tonight, it makes much more sense to me than when I first read it. I am guilty of skimming and responding without too much thought on Lit-Net

[PrinceMyshkin]

The seagulls here in australia make such an annoying noise - nothing like English ones at all. Still, I see the meaning in your poem now and tonight, it makes much more sense to me than when I first read it. I am guilty of skimming and responding without too much thought on Lit-Net

Your post has been forwarded to the Committee on Skimming and Responding without Too Much Thought, which will doubtless be in touch with you shortly.

Sincerely,
N. Parker,
Secretary, TCSRTMT

[hillwalker]

CARCASS* have also been informed.

H

*Campaign Against Racist Comments - Australian Seagulls Sub-committee.

[zoolane]

Drunk people outside the pubs at coast, all year time.

[Jerrybaldy]

David Attenborough definitely would have clinched it. :D

[Delta40]

I'm sorry Hill, I'm sorry Prince. I can't handle being carcassed by two commitees!