If you were a white cloud

[angliholic]

If you were a white cloud,
then I'd rather be a blue mountain,
lying flat on my back, watching you up above my head,
and adoring you day and night.

Don't be upset if you know I'm not good at expressing my feelings,
for there's a little brook beside me,
and it'll sing you a beautiful gurgling song on my behalf.

If you want to know what I'm worried about most,
then you'll understand
it's you who might get sad one day and turn yourself into tears.

It's not that I'm afraid to get soaking wet,
but I might miss you for thousands and thousands of years
before I come across your reincarnation again!

[PrinceMyshkin]

This one seems to show even more confidence in your mastery of poetic form and imagery. I appreciated the way the cloud/mountain relationship was maintained throughout.

[DieterM]

If you were a white cloud, angliholic,
I'd rather be an azure ocean
and your dreamlike poems
could be reflected in my foamy waves
ripple and make circles
until they sink deep into my waters

[Delta40]

I do like this one Ang. You really tap into the usefulness of nature and I like the grandness of you, the mountain gazing upwards at the petite cloud. The first and second line of the final stanza are a little bumpy due to the word 'that' appearing twice. I would be inclined to edit at least one of them.

[hillwalker]

I love the idea of the stream being used as a means of communication between mountain and cloud. Not quite perfect in execution as Delta says, but perfect in thought.

H

[aliengirl]

You have chosen nature as your source of inspiration and you always surprise me with your wonderful images. The mountain and cloud imagery is a rare one. Love it Ang.

[GEETASHREE]

Anli, Oooooooooooooh! Sooooooooooooo romantic! Beautiful! Reading your poems I learn afresh.

[Scheherazade]

I love the idea of the stream being used as a means of communication between mountain and cloud. Yes, I love the whole idea of mountain falling for the cloud and I especially like the last stanza.

After reading many poems by you, I am wondering... The imagery you use is very sweet and interesting but sometimes they fail to connect. Are you translating these poems from your first language or writing directly in English?

As another ESOL speaker, I find that when I try to translate things into English they come across stiff but when I plan and deliver in English, they have a more natural feel to them.