Nebulous Thinking

[Delta40]

Cast out the branded
mystic puzzles of chagrin
the misplaced, the perturbed
ambiguous riddles unimagined

Mortify the fallible
reproach dishevelled jumbles
scramble their rigmarole
charade awkward tumbles

Mesh vague intricacies
through disconnected maze
extract the entangled
from deadlocked hobbled ways

Bless the preoccupied,
distraction their woe
wool gatherers, day dreamers
of undecided tomorrows

[Jerrybaldy]

Mesh vague intricacies summed it up for me. I have played around with your poem and can make endless new stanzas picking random lines (they dont all work out, but many do) and placing them in new groups of four. But then it is nebulous thinking :)

The last stanza is my favourite, wool gatherers being a marvelous description of the distracted. Now . where was I ?? ...

[Lokasenna]

I'll admit that I found the poem hard to follow, but you've certainly got some very interesting and powerful imagery here. I always find stream-of-conciousness style poems hard going, but I think you could tighten up the connections between these images without sacrificing the power of them.

Also, I wonder whether the rhyme could be tightened up as well - jumbles/tumbles and maze/ways are fine, but chargrin/unimagined and woe/tomorrows.

Don't worry - these are small points. It's a really good poem as it is.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Somehow I was late getting to this. Aside from endorsing the philosophy of it, I was delighted with the spill of syllables. There's a wonderfully chewy quality to it.

[Delta40]

My poem sprung from Michael Leunigs' prayer:

God bless the lost, the confused
the unsure, the bewildered, the puzzled
the mystified, the baffled and the perplexed

[hillwalker]

I have also just spotted this now after thinking I had already worked my way up through today's postings.

It's a very resonant piece of poetry - sounding better than it reads. And it reminded me of tangled barbed wiring, snaring the reader with razor-sharp words - but as if we are meant to be kept out rather than welcomed in.

I would be fascinated to learn what lay behind this as the word placements seem to have more significance than I could discover.... such as the word 'charade' (am I correct in assuming its being used here as a verb?).

H

EDIT - you're ahead of me - have just spotted your latest comment!

[Delta40]

I have also just spotted this now after thinking I had already worked my way up through today's postings.

It's a very resonant piece of poetry - sounding better than it reads. And it reminded me of tangled barbed wiring, snaring the reader with razor-sharp words - but as if we are meant to be kept out rather than welcomed in.

I would be fascinated to learn what lay behind this as the word placements seem to have more significance than I could discover.... such as the word 'charade' (am I correct in assuming its being used here as a verb?).

H

EDIT - you're ahead of me - have just spotted your latest comment!

Charade is a verb. I'm writing a play and am so damn tangled up on whether to give it an expressionist edge atm. I read that prayer and thought about adapting it. I spent a lovely evening pouring over my tatty thesaurus and found some interest words which prompted me to weave them together. Rather simple actually and not very original (but you all don't know that!) Oh and I want to practice writing imperatives too and this is a start

[Haunted]

I have to look up rigmarole, and that completes the nebulosity of the whole poem for me. The abstractions fit the theme perfectly.