3 Short, Didactic Poems.

[Hawkman]

Ninja Words

There are ninja words,
which, shrouded in black,
their edges, hard as tempered steel
and dulled with soot
to hide their glittering intent,
will stalk the mind
through darkened thoughts
and strike at will.
They wish us ill.

Ninja Words (revised)

There are ninja words,
wreathed in black,
their edges, hard as tempered steel
and dulled with soot
to hide their glittering intent,
which stalk the mind
through darkened thoughts
and strike at will.
They wish us ill.


Paladins

There are words which would
proclaim themselves
paladins of prose,
representing concepts, like
honour, truth and justice.
Though rarely seen in actual fact,
these words will never tell you that.


The Emperor’s Cloak.

Game-show hosts and politicians
like to wear the cloth which glistens,
woven from transparent words.

An emperor’s cloak of rhetoric,
with bonhomie (which doesn’t stick)
unlike their plastic grins.

[PrinceMyshkin]

I love the quick, sharp wit of these and, especially, the magical rhyme of "politicians / glistens" which rhymes both sound- and sense-wise. Bravo!

[Jerrybaldy]

*returns from googling paladins*

It is a very impressive trilogy, sharply written and very clever.

Hold on.... No, its ok, I thought I saw a ninja word approaching there.

cheers
JerryB

[hillwalker]

I loved the third stanza in particular - politicians' weasel words never described so accurately.

I had slight qualms regarding the word 'soot' in the first verse - but I can see the need to find a mono-syllabic word ('lamp-black' or 'carbon' sprang to mind but both would unbalance the rhythm or require more rewriting - and I'm not enough of an expert on ninjaism to know whether or not they use soot anyway).

Haah-SSoh!!

H

[Hawkman]

Prince, JeB & hill, thanks for stopping by to comment. and I'm glad you liked them.

hill, the main reason I didn't use 'lampblack' was because I had previously used 'shrouded in black' and did not wish to repeat myself. Lampblack is soot anyway :D

Arigato!

H

[hillwalker]

Ok, Cato. I give in - one surprise attack too many!!

H

[AuntShecky]

All three of these short verses are connected with a common theme of personifying words, the first two having to do with words as warriors and the last with a type of ruler who typically maintains a cadre of warriors or guards.

The ninja piece is the weakest of the lot, but the remaining two are succinct and powerful. In the second pieceI think the speaker is getting "medieval" on our you-know-what with the use of "paladin" but it's a good word, for the Era of Charlemagne was noted for stratifying the social structure. Those at the top ruled with an iron hand by emphasizing "honour, truth, justice" and other ideals. By contrast, our modern age turns a gimlet eye toward "idealized" or "idyllic" concepts. Everything is placed under scrutiny and "deconstruction," especially the types of abstract words which intend to be all-encompassing but really say nothing. (This is one reason why we're advised to keep abstractions the heck out of our writing.) So, as you see, this "paladin" poem is effective if I was able to extract all that meaning from it.

Same with the third piece. Immediately it reminded me of something the pop singer Billy Joel said in an interview on "Sixty Minutes" a few years back. He said that fans constantly were telling him how "great" he was, but that he really didn't think so. It was just that the pop culture was rife with material that wasn't really all that good, so that when something that's really "good" appears it's pronounced "great." We see this "Emperor's New Clothes" phenomenon everyday in that popular appeal automatically gives so-so movies, books, songs merit that
perhaps --perhaps!-- they don't deserve.

What works in the third piece is expert phrasing-- "transparent words" like the emperor's invisible cloak. To the "politicians and game-show hosts" you could have added used car salesmen (or purveyors of "previously owned vehicles," as the ads say.) "Bonhomie" is an apt word, with its glad-handing, insincere, and fulsome connotations. My only objection is the use of "plastic" in
"plastic smile." I guess it's okay if you mean malleable, but "plastic" as a synonym for "false" or "tacky" has become trite since used in that context in The Graduate.

Thanks for posting this.

[Lokasenna]

In usual conversation, 'Ninja' is one of the few words that immediately turns my brain on to power-save - fortunately, that was not the case here! These are quick, witty and to the point, and the common theme of words and images works very well indeed.

[Hawkman]

Hi auntie, You are right about the first offering being the weakest. It is the one I'm least happy with and it was written first, so it could well do with being revised. I am reasonably happy with the succinct phrasing of Paladins. It flows well, and you seem to have garnered all I intended from it (and some) :D

I changed smiles to grins because I didn't like the long 'I' in smiles. The stress was wrong for the closing word of the last line, even though it echoed the I sound in unlike. the short i in grins is a better match with the one in plastic. But perhaps you are right in that plastic, in this context, has become an overused term. Even so I'm not sure that it is inappropriate in this instance. I certainly intended both the malleable and false connotation in my use of it.

Anyway, thanks for reading and commenting.

Live and be well, H

[Hawkman]

Hi Lokasenna,

I'm glad the Ninja didn't put you off :D As you will see from my reply to Auntie, I'm not quite happy with that particular poem and I will revise it IDC. I can improve its flow by shifting the which in l2, but I'm not convinced by this and it may need a complete rewrite. But I'm glad you enjoyed them and grateful that you took the time to tell me so.

Live and be well. H

[Delta40]

I'm confused by the Paladins Stanza (you improve my vocab by forcing me to grab an oxford!)

There are words which would
proclaim themselves
paladins of prose,
representing concepts, like
honour, truth and justice.
Though rarely seen in actual fact,
these words will never tell you that.

is the irony here that as society 'sees' less of these concepts, the champion words cannot therefore tell us this?

[Revolte]

You have seen the ninja words too?? I thought I was the only one, those little creeps have been tossing stars at me left and right, at one point they stuck me to the wall with swords and duct tape.

The last one by the way, reminded me of a movie called "slumdog billionaire". The first one though is just rad, ninja words, I'm in training to be able to combat them, but now they might know this. Oops :svengo:.

[Hawkman]

I'm confused by the Paladins Stanza (you improve my vocab by forcing me to grab an oxford!)

is the irony here that as society 'sees' less of these concepts, the champion words cannot therefore tell us this?

Hi Delta,

It's not so much that the words cannot tell us that the concepts they represent, are to some extent, illusory. More that they will and do not tell us this, but the difference is miniscule, so you have got the point. :D


You have seen the ninja words too?? I thought I was the only one, those little creeps have been tossing stars at me left and right, at one point they stuck me to the wall with swords and duct tape.

The last one by the way, reminded me of a movie called "slumdog billionaire". The first one though is just rad, ninja words, I'm in training to be able to combat them, but now they might know this. Oops :svengo:.

Hi Revolte,

Yes, they are tricky little sods aren't they! :D Far more lethal than their playful cousins, the fnords (see Robert Shea & Robert Anton Wilson's, "The Illuminatus Trilogy") Glad you enjoyed my little exposé ;)

Thanks for reading and commenting. Live and be well -H