The Hot Date

[alcala0001]

Man... I can't believe she said yes. She always seemed so unattainable, like a cloud; visible but not something you could reach out and touch. That perfect smile, perfect hair, perfect body - perfect everything. And she said 'yes' like it was no big deal! I hope I didn't seem too desperate. I'm getting this crazy tingle of electricity just thinking about it. I don't even remember the walk back to my cubicle. The rest of the day just flew by, but I do remember taking the back exit, avoiding her desk - just in case she changed her mind or in case it turned out to be some cruel joke. I could just imagine walking by and people jumping out and yelling 'GOTCHA!' like some sick surprise party. And she would be there laughing and pointing at me. Get a grip, man. You asked her out and she said yes!

The place is a mess. Those phone books piled on the counter - how did I end up with so many? I was flipping through those earlier, frantically trying to decide where to actually TAKE her on our date. Well, I didn't think I had the balls to ask her, much less that she would say yes... I don't know if she likes Chinese food or Thai, Italian or seafood, so in the end I put a dozen different numbers in my phone, to cover all the bases. I really have to clean this place up. If all goes well, we'll be coming here afterward.

Cleaning the place was no small chore. Not only did I have to make it appear that I gave a damn about cleanliness, but there's also the subtle art of 'The Vibe' to consider. I had to decide what CDs to leave on the coffee table, what trinkets to display on the counter and shelves, what magazine I wanted out in plain view. I made sure to put away my collectible superhero figurines - don't call them dolls. They are NOT goddamn dolls. I was going to put out my guitar in the corner, thinking that maybe she would ask me to play a song, but I decided against it. My playing isn't up to her standards I'm sure. What if I don't know any of her favorite songs? Finally I got the place just right. The bathroom is clean, the bed is made and the front room is as close to 'The Vibe' as I can get it under the circumstances. Every item is displayed to spark her conversation and interest - conversations I keep replaying in my mind, covering every possible topic. "You have a good eye! Why YES, that IS in fact a hand-blown glass bong!" On second thought, maybe I should hide the bong. Man I'm nervous...

Ok the place looks fine. I should get ready, but I don't want to get ready too early, otherwise I might sweat on my clothes or get a stain on them. It took me a while to sort out the clothes, which are waiting on the bed. I needed something that said 'cool and casual' but also 'not afraid to take risks'. I hope I look good tonight. PLEASE let me look good tonight. When was the last time I was with a girl? No - she's no girl.. she's a woman. It's been a long time. Too long. I'm not gonna mess this up tonight. I can't. Stop worrying. It's gonna be cool. I resisted the urge to tell the guys. If I succeed then I'll break it to them. If tonight is a disaster - which it WON'T be, then I'll just keep quiet and hope she forgets the whole thing. Man it would be cool to have them see me out with her, dancing or sharing a drink. How cool would that be?

Freshly showered and feeling good. I had to take care of myself in there. I read in one of my men's magazines that if you relieve yourself before a date it makes you relax and saves you from having a hair trigger later - when it counts. I have my one and only cologne on. It was a gift years ago from.. I can't remember from who. But it smells good enough. My face is shaved and I'm ready to slip into my clothes. The bedroom's looking good. I have a romantic mix in the CD player ready to go. Man I've fantasized about her for months. I've seen her naked so many times in my mind, but she's still a mystery to me. I've spent countless hours stealing glances at her and wondering about her. What does she look like under those clothes? How does she kiss? I've made love to her a thousand times in my head, each time different. Each time perfect. I can only hope we end up back here on my bed. I could die a happy man then. Because I would have LIVED!

Almost time to go get her. I got my keys, my phone, my wallet.. everything looks good here. Man I can't sit still! I'm like a kid waiting for Disneyland! I wonder what she'll be wearing. Oh I'll bet she'll be the hottest thing around - and she'll be with ME! Ok time to get out the door, I just have to - dammit! Goddamn phone, always at the worst time. I don't have time for this, I have to set out for what could be the BEST night of my LIFE!

Wonderful. She's not going to be able to make it tonight. I should have known, but hey, since i'm all dressed up, why stay in? Maybe there's another hot date out there waiting for me. Besides, I can REALLY use a drink right now. I throw my jacket over my shoulder and close the locked door behind me.

[Delta40]

Jesus Christ - talk about the anti-climax of the year! I don't know whether to say 'good ending' or give you a virtual slapping! In the back of my mind, I knew that would happen but not so ho hum in one sentence. You sucked the reader in with every detail of anticipated disbelief and careful to and fro planning so, in some ways it was bound to happen. Perhaps delete the last sentence and leave us all hanging. Did he have the dream date of his life or not?

Otherwise, I really relished your mounting excitement and wanted to skip lines to find out the end myself!

[chimney_swift]

Really scathing and really bitter! It's a little bit harsh for me, what a poor guy! But I've read your other stuff so I suppose it all ties in, no offense.

:)

I think this is your best so far, there is a clarity to your writing that is not evident in your other stories. Good work.

[hillwalker]

Delta is so right - make that a double slap.

I got the impression you got fed up with this story and couldn't wait to finish it.... which is your perogative since it's yours to do with as you please. But given the annoying build-up, the constant obsessive attention to detail preparing for the date, I was actually expecting to find out it was all in his imagination anyway.

So, perhaps you were playing with the reader. Shame on you, you little devil if you were.

H

[Pensive]

I don't feel very differently from the above posters.
Enjoyed the description and everything, and even though I knew it would come to something just like how it did in the end, but wasn't expecting it all to be summed up in a single sentence in such a vague manner, but I assume that's deliberate too and might have its own merit as well? BUT, it's annoying! :p I want to know more. Readers should be left with questions in order to exercise their own scope of imagination too, but such a big question as this one...that's simply not fair in my opinion! :D

[alcala0001]

Apologies for the let-down. Yea the poor guy obsesses over every detail to no end, just to have his hopes dashed at the last moment. In the last line I was trying to imply that he was so worked up and nervous, that a night of TV watching would actually come as a relief, rather than face the daunting challenge of this mystery girl. He folds like a patio chair under the crushing blow and readily accepts his fate - almost gladly so.

At least that's how I tried to portray it. I might have failed the attempt. But you did have fun reading it, right?

[Delta40]

yeah but its like crusing along to an ever increasing speed only to slam bam! into a brick wall. Nobody wants to walk away with that feeling!

[hillwalker]

I can appreciate the irony - that despite his fantasizing about the girl, he would probably be happier at home watching TV.
Perhaps the final sentence needed expanding to show the reader how he accepted his fate with a sense of relief, and possibly was about to spend as long preparing for his evening on the couch as he had getting ready for his date.

We had fun - we must have had some or we wouldn't be continuing to obsess about your story!

H

[alcala0001]

Ending fixed. I kind of like it. Thanks for the input, guys!