I'm going to write you a song just to make you happy again!

[angliholic]

My dear,
I'm sorry to have let you down yesterday.
Today, I know you're still in a sad mood, and
I'm going to write you a song just to make you happy again!

I don't care whether I'll go to heaven or not
when tomorrow comes!
All I want to do now is see you smile!

I guess I'm not cut out for a saint or a sage,
and I'm not craving to be one
if I can't write you a poem every now and then!

[Jerrybaldy]

It is difficult to read near anything you write, without some of your positivity on the page rubbing off on me.
thanks
JerryB

[Delta40]

one can smell the perfumed flowers with anything you write Ang

[Scheherazade]

I like the soft, conversational tones of your poems, Angliholic.

In this one, the last line and the ending, "now and then" does not work for me, somehow, and I don't have any suggestions either at the moment, I am afraid.

I am curious about the use of exclamation marks. In my opinion, they do not go with the tone of the poem and are used so often.

[PrinceMyshkin]

I agree with all the words of praise and also with Scher's observation that the final "now and then" is somewhat anti-climactic, so casual by contrast with the ardour of what came before but confessing that you may not be cut out to be a sage or a saint is a lovely act of humility.

[Buh4Bee]

Angli- I have read a few of your poems and the majority of them seem to be written to one person. They are like sweet notes.

Can you express your feelings in a different way other than concretely how you feel? Also I agree with previous comments about the exclamation marks.

If you are so inspired, as you seem you are, there is room for improvement. You have a great deal of material to pull from. Love is a great source!

[hillwalker]

The innocent humility in all your writing shines through again in this.

It might have been illuminating for the reader if you had somehow shown us how you knew the subject of this 'letter/poem' was in a sad mood. Doing so would allow the reader to engage more with the reason for your dilemma.

With reference to the 'now and then' closing phrase, I'm not sure whether 'now and again' might fit better. Just a thought.

H