Autumn Dawn

[GEETASHREE]

(Dedicated to Mr. Hill who abhors rhymes)

The faded smile of a crescent moon
On lips that have just put a close to a poignant tale
Night is an avid listener sometimes agog, sometimes
Stunned into speechlessness
Footsteps echo on the asphalt path as I pass by
Drowsy lanes, houses, parks, drains
A stroke of a brush in soft gold hues
Midst a flame of red carelessly etched
Soft, smothered, wanton lines
On the distant canvas of the horizon
Leaves an unfinished trail………………
A proof that He was here
The dawn breaks in with her subdued charm
And quietly lays a snare to woo walkers forlorn
Like me……………
Who draw comfort from the sniff of a chill in the air
The lolling heads of the morning stars
The virgin white, autumn clouds
And a leaf drifting in nothingness
Aimless, clueless, homeless………………..

[hillwalker]

Thank you for the dedication - I am honoured.

But 'abhor' is perhaps too strong a word. As I said earlier, too many rhymes that rely on one repeated sound over and over again (almost like a nursery rhyme) make me come out in a rash!

And when you cut yourself free of the chains of rhyme and produce something as lyrical and original as this perhaps my criticism had been vindicated. There are so many memorable lines in this, and the words flow so smoothly and naturally I am left with nothing more to say other than 'Well done!' and thank you for sharing.

H

[Delta40]

I think all the lines of this poem have been applied with the care of an artists' brush. In this case, freeing yourself from rhyme has only served to enhance your writing

[GEETASHREE]

Thank you for the dedication - I am honoured.

But 'abhor' is perhaps too strong a word. As I said earlier, too many rhymes that rely on one repeated sound over and over again (almost like a nursery rhyme) make me come out in a rash!

And when you cut yourself free of the chains of rhyme and produce something as lyrical and original as this perhaps my criticism had been vindicated. There are so many memorable lines in this, and the words flow so smoothly and naturally I am left with nothing more to say other than 'Well done!' and thank you for sharing.

H

Thanks Mr. Hill, you've made my day!

[GEETASHREE]

I think all the lines of this poem have been applied with the care of an artists' brush. In this case, freeing yourself from rhyme has only served to enhance your writing

Thanks Delta. I am quite overwhelmed!

[tailor STATELY]

Superbly written. A tapestry of delight woven of melancholy and beauty throughout.

These are the lines that I treasure the most:
A stroke of a brush in soft gold hues
Midst a flame of red carelessly etched
Soft, smothered, wanton lines
On the distant canvas of the horizon
Leaves an unfinished trail………………
A proof that He was here

With admiration,
tailor STATELY

[GEETASHREE]

Superbly written. A tapestry of delight woven of melancholy and beauty throughout.

These are the lines that I treasure the most:

With admiration,
tailor STATELY

Thank you, Stately. Thank you, so much!!