Long Night

[Delta40]

Coffee cup
Unsweetened, bitter
Spluttering, swallowing, sugaring
I must stay awake
Tumbler

Sex
Erotic, lewd
Rousing, steaming, releasing
I must reach climax
Raw

A cigarette
Slim, elegant
Smoking, curling, coughing
I must slowly unwind
Gasper

Four poster bed
Intimate, memorable
Creaking, bouncing, rocking
I must try sleep
Berth

[zoolane]

Know true words wrote be female point view, I like lots special last verse the line '' I must sleep''.

I said all time even without bed move.

[dafydd manton]

A cruise? Sea trip? Long distance flight? I can see the references to trying to stay awake with coffee and cigarettes, but the sex and the four-poster have got me guessing - so to speak. (Oh memories...)

Sorry, you are going to have to explain - in oblique trems, preferably..

Or have I just been painfully naive? (Please remember my age!)

[Delta40]

I think Zoo understands perfectly Dafydd....

[dafydd manton]

The "Lie back and think of England" routine...... Thanks. Now I understand.. I must have had a more sheltered upbringing than I had originally thought.

[zoolane]

I think Zoo understands perfectly Dafydd....

I do Delta, :p

[Jerrybaldy]

The last line confused me. I loved the link between first line and last of each stanza. So, hold on maybe I am not confused by the last line, a four poster bed = just a berth. I should rewrite this but in the space of this posting I think I now understand. Its always the lines that confuse that hold the key.
I feel confident I understand now but feel free to tell me otherwise.
I admire what you can do that I cannot. That is probably a definition of admiration.
well done my friend
JerryB

[hillwalker]

It took me a few readings to spot the contrast between the 1st and 3rd verses and the 2nd and 4th. Like daf I relied on the response from zoo to set me thinking along the right lines.

Verse 2 was particularly effective - the last word 'Raw' such an accurate yet unexpected 'climax' following the preceding line.

H

[Delta40]

This is my first cinquain. I have learned something about poetry

I'm moving forward :driving:

[Delta40]

It took me a few readings to spot the contrast between the 1st and 3rd verses and the 2nd and 4th. Like daf I relied on the response from zoo to set me thinking along the right lines.

Verse 2 was particularly effective - the last word 'Raw' such an accurate yet unexpected 'climax' following the preceding line.

H

Thanks Hill. I did not notice the link between the verses till you pointed them out! Raw is a word that encompasses many meanings. Perhaps I ought to go over the other stanzas and find an expression as apt as that one

[dafydd manton]

S2 L4 is revealing, though - the use of the word "must" as opposed to "would like". Very deep.

[Delta40]

S2 L4 is revealing, though - the use of the word "must" as opposed to "would like". Very deep.

If you read L4 in every stanza, it reveals that 'think of England' which you refer to

[dafydd manton]

I'm learning.... on two levels!