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Jerrybaldy
10-01-2010, 07:03 PM
The lord created our world in seven days.
First he created the rock itself
so we would have a place to suffer
and so his son could suffer there
some time later
after some fishing
and some cabinetmaking.
He probably tutted at the workmanship
of that creaky crucifix.
To be frank, its amazing
that it took a mans weight.
I digress.
He created woman
to stop all the men
from buggering eachother.
On wednesday
he created dinosaur fossils
to test our faith
and so we could suffer more
through fundamentalists.
He threw the rest of the universe together
on a Friday after a smoke and a mars bar
( Cigarettes and confectionary having been
created on overtime on Thursday)
Early on saturday came the three toed sloth
atheltes foot, the amoeba and black holes.
For a while we lived for hundreds of years
but God saw that alzheimers, impotence
and incontinence was an issue
so decided upon three score and ten.
Nobody is going to buy this, he thought
so he created different faiths
so each could protect his own
and slaughter each other.
He rested on one of the weekend days
and called it the sabbath
as a result shops shut on that day
for nearly two thousand years.
He loved the children
but got very annoyed how they
loved dinosaurs so.
Everytime the lords prayer
(his personal favourite)
was spoken or thought
he delayed that persons demise.
Each time a person in need
began a request
'God help me'
he would take a personal interest
but sometimes he was busy
and with others he just couldnt be arsed.
But in 2010 years after the man who may be his son
or a prophet or a salesman
died on a busmans holiday
there are people living every word
and newcomers trying again.
God knows maybe how many followers
of scientology will be spouting crap
in another two millennia
Still we must give them all
the greatest of respect.
__________________

Delta40
10-01-2010, 07:09 PM
I seem to have read this somewhere before. Plagiarism is not acceptable.

aside from that it is a witty poem with great irony - What does God do on a Friday night Jerry?

Haunted
10-01-2010, 07:13 PM
déjà vu? It's even better the second time around.

Jerrybaldy
10-01-2010, 07:16 PM
He plays Super Mario brothers eats cheese sandwhiches and texts beelzebub.

Jerrybaldy
10-01-2010, 07:18 PM
deja vu? I swear I have heard that before.

Haunted
10-01-2010, 07:29 PM
deja vu? I swear I have heard that before too.

Delta40
10-01-2010, 07:40 PM
From the idiocracy to the snobocracy - Would y'all just focus on reviewing the structure and flow of the poem?

Personally, I think it should have stanzas and look less like a things to do list.

Jerrybaldy
10-01-2010, 07:47 PM
I welcome your enlightened critique and as result I will be far less mediocre on my next posting before which I will read the greats on here and elsewhere and give much thought to what I post as god forbid I should ever post anything on here off the cuff, au naturale, without first polishing to an acceptable sheen. I for one would hate to read anybody's thoughts uncensored on this hallowed site.

Delta40
10-01-2010, 07:50 PM
Be sure to use only the highest quality of polish, lest it leave a smudge on your final masterpiece - insulitng others with its blemish. Such an oversight could tarnish your reputation that you may never recover.

Skia
10-02-2010, 10:54 AM
Aha, loved these lines I must say,

He threw the rest of the universe together
on a Friday after a smoke and a mars bar

I think he could have put more effort into Jupiter. It's too big. ;)

PrinceMyshkin
10-02-2010, 04:54 PM
For a rant, this comes awfully close to being elegant.

qimissung
10-04-2010, 01:32 AM
This one sort of looks like a poem anyway.