Depression and Himself

[Revolte]

His feet will only tread,
the darkest of the nights.
He haunts both you and I,
far more then what is best.
“Depression is thy name!”
He'll call unto your chest.
While taking out his knife,
to stab into your heart.
He'll send a gentle kiss,
and point you to the stars.
Then with one last blink,
he will let out a sigh.
For it is him himself,
he wishes finally died.

[Jerrybaldy]

Hi Revlote
I thought the personification was overlong at the beginning, but enjoyed the second half much more.
cheers
JerryB

[hillwalker]

The imagery at the start did make me picture him as more of a scarecrow than the sinister black dog depression, but I loved the lines

He'll send a gentle kiss,
and point you to the stars.

which sounds so inviting, but of course it's not.

H

[PrinceMyshkin]

Bleak as heck - and true to life (or should that be unlife?).

Very deft.

[Haunted]

I really like the visual of "His nose is pointed west". But I agree the overall description is not all that scary and doesn't really go with how it ends.

Perhaps the poem starts here:




His feet will only tread,
the darkest of the nights.
He haunts both you and I,
far more then what is best.
“Depression is thy name!”
He'll call unto your chest.
While taking out his knife,
to stab into your heart.
He'll send a gentle kiss,
and point you to the stars.
Then with one last blink,
he will let out a sigh.
For it is him himself,
he wishes finally died.

[Revolte]

:( don't tell my monsters you don't think they are scary, they wont know what to do! hahaha. In all seriousness though I like the advice and I agree it works better if I shorten it, I will do that before i go get cigarettes and a Dr. Pepper .