bathing beauty

[Haunted]

pristine white towels
thirsty for the spree

the golden lion paws
that hold the tub
flex and clench

mood music seeps
through the mural
tall pillar candles
flare irratically

so this is life

forgettable
inconsequential
like overflowing water
like a used syringe
like a disposable razor

but it will be better
be brave...

the most wonderful feeling
is numbness

it starts with the arm
then the whole side
by the time it gets
to the head
stars are already falling
through the skylights

ah this is heaven

floating

weightless

worryfree

hugging
a deep red towel

[Delta40]

nice construction haunted. love the description of the bathroom. very vivid and the floating away effect is good too

[hillwalker]

A brilliantly macabre poem - there are enough hints to suggest the outcome yet we are still desperate for every detail to make sure our suspicions were right.

That opening couplet is marvellous, but I'll not mind admiting that the whole poem is a masterpiece of understatement - and it stands out as one of your best.

H

[zoolane]

I like this piece because tell story gentle but with strong message about self harmess or drug addiction or both.

[Jerrybaldy]

I agree, one of your very best haunted. I particularly love the opening couplet too.
I also particularly love:
it starts with the arm
then the whole side
by the time it gets
to the head
stars are already falling
through the skylights

stars falling through the skylights are not the expected end to this stanza, it avoided the obvious and still got the point across.

Brilliant haunted.
It was worth the wait.
Have a screwdriver. Cheers.
JerryB

[Haunted]

thanks Delta!

Hill, Zoo, I did want to tone it down and glad the message didn't get lost. Thanks so much for your kind comments!

Jerry, a Bloody Mary for this one. cheers!

[Jerrybaldy]

' Bloody Mary, for the haunted one in the corner please waiter'

[dafydd manton]

I'm so glad you didn't tone it down, though. A sorry tale.

[Buh4Bee]

It's a bit of a shocker to read, but captivating. I prefer vodka on the rocks.

[Maryd.]

So scary, so dark my love, so morbid... So real.

[Haunted]

Dafy, this is my 3rd version. In the previous version I toned it down a lot and posted it in Trashy, but the watered down version is so lame, it didn't say what I wanted to say. I have Jerry to thank, he thinks I should post the original. Problem is, I deleted the original and remembered very little of what I wrote, so I rewrote this with mostly new material. Glad you like it.

Jersea, thanks for giving it a read. I prefer vodka on the rocks any day, this is way too messy.

Mary darling, sorry for scaring you, it's alright. Mwah

[Jerrybaldy]

I am very glad you put it back together. Im not a big fan of one word lines, but here it certainly belongs.
Written like a lady with an avatar like yours :)
cheers
(jack daniels)
JerryB

[Haunted]

*clang* Thanks Jerry, thanks for bugging me about it! *clang*

Maybe that's because only one word at a time is possible when one is drifting out of consciousness?

[Jerrybaldy]

you
are
quite
right
:)

[Haunted]

uh
huh
:)

[Jerrybaldy]

Love story #1
Bathing Beauty #2
Thats a pretty damn fine #2
:)
JerryB

[Haunted]

aw thanks but I wonder how many birdies complained it's less than mediocre...

here's my Jerry picks:
48 Crash #1
Rescued #2

[Delta40]

I like the feet of that bath too! Nothing negative to say here except 'are you less mediocre than you make out?'

[Haunted]

instead of lion paws, would the poem read better if they were crab legs?

come on Delta, be brutally honest, that's borderline compliment, it's not helping!!!

[Delta40]

Lion paws incite the imagination here because one can imagine a pristine china bath with golden lion paws. Mufasa says so!

[Haunted]

ok golden lion paws will stay. Thanks Mufasa!