Bunking Double Gym

[hillwalker]

BUNKING DOUBLE GYM

Imprisoned in this cubicle
the smell of wee and cigarettes
‘Advanced Techniques’ and toilet duck
that weeping cistern on the wall

My eyes clamped shut
I contemplate each heartbeat
running through us both like wiring
palpitating as you scent the sea perhaps
a flood of brine
my insides out

A tiny jellyfish of red
reeled in to land
and laid to rest in my adidas bag
with all my other junk
my tic-tacs and my chap-stick
my pencil case and tamagotchi

Dad tried to drown some kittens once
a home-brew fermentation tub
the brick inside the sack
I held my breath then held it under
‘til the gargling bubbles rose no more

And now that squawking bell for double gym
it sets my teeth on edge
I hang around the changing rooms with Emo May
who had verrucas
waiting for another suicidal day to end

I dump it in that rubbish skip
outside ‘Miss Selfridge’
stepping into ‘Mothercare’
to say one prayer before I leave

Then in my bedroom late at night
my teddy-bear hot-water bottle clamped between my thighs
I draw an entry in my diary
a special picture for today
the 5th of May
a tiny doodle of an alien

H

[zoolane]

I liked this reminder off bunking in changing room, smoking and remind of neighbours try put kittens down rubbish bin.

[Jerrybaldy]

Ok .I may as well go ahead and and say it. I read this as a girl with her miscarriage in her bag. Could be way off, as I invaribly am. Intriguing Hill and in your inimitable style.
JerryB.

[hillwalker]

Bullseye Jerry. You're getting better atthis lark.

H

[zoolane]

Now you mention Jerry, I have just re- reading and yes you right.

Sorry missed the 1st time round maybe just tired due dom argue next door at 4am

[dafydd manton]

I'd thought of teenage pregnancy, and all that goes with it. Guessing, with your profession, you've seen it happen. Lovely but hard-hitting piece of work, and thanks so much! Your compassion shows through.

[hillwalker]

Well, zoo, I was trying to be subtle so what Jerry saw doesn't leap out at you on first reading (just as well perhaps)

and yes daf, one of the sadder aspects of working with teenage girls


H

[Jerrybaldy]

woop woop :) Im ready to analyse all takers now. But most of all I need to try this style of writing. Seems to me a fine line between total obscurity and the totally obvious and you are the master of it.

[dafydd manton]

I can imagine. The image of hiding in the toilets is a heart-breaker, but such a part of the sad life that we call the 21st century. Memories of grammar school, shame, confusion about bodies, tabooes, parental judgement, all those things that you will know better than the rest of us put together. Thanks.

[zoolane]

Claret running down my leg, past my knees to floor.
It flowing still, feeling slightly faint.
A blob come out with sluggish look to it.
Catch glimp in of myself in mirror.
White as ghost, ready to collapse like heap on floor.

I hope you do not remind H, just got quick flash for poem, after reading this for 3rd time.

[Delta40]

I wondered about the death of kittens and the dumping of the bag. Then I read Jerry's post....great piece of writing sprinkled with childlike memorabillia as adult issues emerge

I remember tamagotchis!

[hillwalker]

Wow, zoo..... and I thought I was being a bit too graphic. Reading your little verse is like being there with the writer - you have a very direct way of describing those bits of life most people pretend don't exist. Very powerful - and I suppose I should be pleased to have inspired you to write this.

@Jerry - now you've picked up the knack of reading clues it's time to produce your own puzzler

and @daf - I'm no expert believe me, but have seen my fair share of sad stories (perhaps too many).

H

EDIT- thanks delta - and the tamagotchi was of course intended to be particularly relevant to the theme of the poem

[zoolane]

I am not sure now I do it. :crazy: Hillwalker you're great writer and to me that what stories and poems suppose do inspired people.

[Haunted]

Hill, the poem left me speechless, and the closing stanzas are just heartbreaking:


I dump it in that rubbish skip
outside ‘Miss Selfridge’
stepping into ‘Mothercare’
to say one prayer before I leave

Then in my bedroom late at night
my teddy-bear hot-water bottle clamped between my thighs
I draw an entry in my diary
a special picture for today
the 5th of May
a tiny doodle of an alien

[PrinceMyshkin]

I believe I would happily follow you anywhere you chose to go poetically though I confess that without Jerry's interpretation I wouldn't have got more than the vigorous language, the powerful line-breaks, but in view of that interpretation maybe I should re-think my use of "happily".

In terms of what the poem intended, the drawing at the end of the "tiny alien" is a killer.

[hillwalker]

Thanks Haunted - the idea was to add a little humanity to the main character, since there are many out there who would find 101 ways to condemn her for her predicament and subsequent behaviour.

And Prince - I had hoped there were enough oblique references (the tamagotchi, the drowned kittens, Mothercare and of course the tiny alien) but accept it would take a few readings to assemble all the clues.

But thanks for trusting my writing enough to give so generously of your time.

H