Dialogue (an answer)

[DieterM]

PRINCIPLES and values make a man
That’s Daddy dear speaking through me
I am the benign, the caring man for you
Neat and fair and smiling, THAT I AM
Everything has its PLACE and importance
Books, ironed shirts, my trousers’ crease, my wife

Why do people TALK so much these days?
Some things cannot be said, SILLY, because
Some things are self-evident and plain
Why do I have to explain so much? Oh yes, I do!
You know that I’m a man of DIALOGUE
You’ve felt my way of expressing myself

Sometimes it feels as if I were the only person
The only human being in this world
Surrounded only by THINGS, yes, you’re JUST AN OBJECT
I’m pretty good with objects, you know I am
Take the TV-set – it didn’t work, the other day?
With a light tap, it worked again THE WAY I WANT IT TO…

Your son is brilliant, teachers said
Made me beaming, acceptance and pride
Next to Daddy, smiling, neat and fair
He taught me lessons for life, I learned
Lessons that cost him dearly and hurt
He made me the good man of DIALOGUE I am today

But don’t talk too much, didn’t I WARN YOU?
Don’t ask questions, just do as I say
Or I’ll show you again how Daddy talked with Mom
Until she died in the middle of their dialogue…
I told you more salt, HOW OFTEN DO I HAVE TO?
Don’t you look at me like that, *****

Don’t make me show you again that which…
Daddy taught me how to… first with the
Flat of the hand, than with the fist and
With the belt when YOU REALLY DESERVE IT, YOU
Filthy SLUT, I’m smiling and neat, I told you to be careful yet you
Provoke me – do you REALLY WANT ME TO…

[Delta40]

I'm torn between the portrayal of a man in control of his environment who freely chooses violence as a way of making his point over the facade of it all and his own powerlessness when it comes to checking himself

[DieterM]

Well, as a matter of fact, I called this poem 'an answer' because I wanted it to reflect the other side of that strange relationship that links the violent husband and his victim. Very often, men who indulge in domestic violence have themselves been victims and/or witnesses of it in their youth. Their violence breaks out because a) it's the only form of dialogue they have learned in their formative years, b) women represent an extremely negative image in their eyes (again because it's the way they've learned to see them). Thus the violent form of 'dialogue' is installed in the relationship. Plus, there's the type called the 'pervert narcissic man' in France (sorry, I haven't looked up the equivalent term in English psychology terminology). HIS goal is complete control over his environment by manipulating everybody's mind. It's the archetype of the perfect colleague/husband/father and his perversity only breaks out in private. He transforms everybody into objects in order to better control them. In this poem, I have mixed up the two because I wanted the image to be as strong as that of the accepting, almost hypnotised victim I've depicted in my other poem 'Beat Me'.
Anyway, I'm absolutely horrified by any kind of violence (this is my heart speaking). But on the other hand, there's no such thing as someone freely choosing violence (here's my brains speaking); it's always violence that chooses its man. It's hard to accept, though...

[PrinceMyshkin]

Thank you. both for the devastating poem of this hollowed out soul and for your prose exposition of the pathology of this type, of the father that is and the trail of wreckage he leaves in his wake.

Only once, to the best of my recollection, did I administer physical force to any of my children. My eldest was 5 or 6 then and did something that he'd been warned not to do, that could have been harmful to him. I administered one slap to his bottom then watched as he walked away down the hallway, his shoulders slumped, his head hanging down. I followed him into the bathroom, where I said: "I'm sorry I hit you, but you know why I did it, don't you?"

He looked me straight in the eye and said: "Because you're a bully."

He is now a most excellent and loving father of his own two children. And my very good friend.

[dafydd manton]

Superb piece of work, although it made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. It is really chilling, so matter-of-fact, but it gets across your revulsion of violence. Well done.

Prince - thanks for that insight. Good man!!

[zoolane]

It great poem, well done Diet I think that go poster for Dom Violence or victims.

It powerful and though provoking with very correct dialog for abuser.

[Delta40]

I'm not insensitive, only curious to know why his acts of violence can't be exposed in all their horror without portraying him as a victim of his own upbringing.