Used and Abused

[kittypaws]

Used can refer to a rock band
Or to the home or car you are selling
But according to Webster of 1913
It is when you are employed
In accomplishing something.
Strange, that is not how I see it
Used is when you use me up.
Oddly enough there is too
A band that is called abused.
It can also pertain to the women;
Children who are beaten and slain.
Used and abused both have the same name
Being all used up.
Worn to a pulp, discarded when spent
Left to be, no need, no fuss
Violated, ravished, imposed upon.
There must be a change of ways
I find myself way too often
Feeling used and abused
To everyone else’s gain.
Salvage me and my ways
As I slip out of or into the light
Slide away from use and abuse
And abide within only me.
Yet now I am not happy
Tit for tat, tat for tit.
Which one will it be?


kittypaws

suggestions? i am feeling rather lost as too many are asking too much from me and I don't know how, or i can't bring myself to say "no." That is the whole jest of this poem. How can I improve it..

[hillwalker]

How can I improve it?

Well, there are some great lines in here - but it gets a little repetitive in places, and the definitions at the beginning merely detract from the powerful message in the poem rather than engaging the reader's attention.

They were probably relevant when you first wrote this because they got you to focus on the two words - but now the scaffolding you needed to compose the poem can be safely removed imo. Trim the opening down to its bare bones and you have a good poem.

As for lifestyle advice - saying no often puts the guilt squarely on your shoulders, but you'll find that people who come to you with their problems never consider you have your own problems too (doesn't everybody?). And if they are willing to help you with yours or even just listen then it's a fair trade. But if they won't then the word 'no' applies.

H

[Delta40]

The poem starts with an almost informative style about used and abused and transforms into the personal request for salvation. I think abide within only me is a great ending line for the message you wish to convey.

Setting clear boundaries is a gift to yourself and to others. By saying 'no' you state what your limits are and you will feel less lost as you create your own guide. Good luck

[dafydd manton]

[QUOTE=hillwalker;959258]Well, there are some great lines in here - but it gets a little repetitive in places, and the definitions at the beginning merely detract from the powerful message in the poem rather than engaging the reader's attention.

They were probably relevant when you first wrote this because they got you to focus on the two words - but now the scaffolding you needed to compose the poem can be safely removed imo. Trim the opening down to its bare bones and you have a good poem.

As for lifestyle advice - saying no often puts the guilt squarely on your shoulders, but you'll find that people who come to you with their problems never consider you have your own problems too (doesn't everybody?). And if they are willing to help you with yours or even just listen then it's a fair trade. But if they won't then the word 'no' applies.

H]


Kitty, Hill is (always) wise, and right, very right. You will never find better advice, and judging by the poem, someone somewhere is taking you for granted. Isn't it great that we have the medium of poetry to express those feelings, and good friends here who will help

:)

[PrinceMyshkin]

I rather liked the dry way this started out, more like a philosophical debate than a poem of protest, and then it turned into your pained feelings.

As for the advice you request, that's a hard one to respond to without having known you for some time. I think we all find it hard to say "No" even when our gut feeling prompts us to, but as a generality, you don't do anyone any good or earn their respect or affection when you agree to let them treat you other than how you want and deserve to be treated.

[kittypaws]

Thank you.

H. as I have gone back and re-read and re-read I can see what you are referring to in repetitiveness. I can fix that. Thank you very much for pointing it out. I respect honest critics....as I have said without them I can not grow in my writing.

Delta I also like your comment and agree....the last three lines are after thoughts, me trying to figure out where I am the happiest.

Dafy and Prince, H and Delta...the incident was miner but it just struck me wrong that day.

Prince and all....in order so you can get to know me better (assuming you and the rest of Lit Net might have some interest...)

"I don’t mind helping people out especially when it comes to their pets….but on Thursday morning before Z and I even stepped out the door my neighbor was calling Hi Kitty. Will you be around this weekend? Well, that is an instant red flag that he was going to ask me to watch his dog. They were to leave Friday after the kids got out of school to go to a funeral in New York and would be home Saturday afternoon. This meant walking Ginger Friday nite, Saturday morning & afternoon. OK I agreed and he said he would bring the key over.


Friday morning comes and begins to go and still no key. So I call his cell and get voice mail, leave a message and still nothing. So on my way to work I stop by the house and he answers the door and says, oh BTW, things have changed. We are leaving at 5:00 AM Saturday and will return Saturday night. Standing there on his front stoop I felt so used and abused. You would think that he could have at least called and told me this. I said ok knowing that this would mess up my schedule of fundraising and other chores to be done. We step inside and he says I’ll take her out at 5:30 before we leave and if you could come over at 8:30 then 12:30 and again around 6:00 that would be perfect. I then said, well if you have her out at 5:30 I’ll be over around 10:30 after Zeus and I go out and then take her out again around 5:00ish. He started to push for his time schedule. I finally said, look Brian, Ginger is one year old and if she can’t control her bladder for more then 3 hours then you need to find someone else. He backed down and handed me the keys."

Like I said not a big thing, just rubbed me the wrong way. Perhaps I was just over sensitive that day?

I do it for the animals more then the humans.

Thanks for listening/reading and all your advice. It is very helpful.

Kittypaws

[Delta40]

((((hugs)))) its the little things that really get us down Kitty. At least with big stuff you can go 'whoa' take a step back, sit down, and breate deeply....but the small stuff? kaboom!

[kittypaws]

Used is when you use me up.
Used and abused both have the same name.

Worn to a pulp, discarded when spent
Left to be, no need, no fuss
Violated, ravished, imposed upon.
There must be a change of ways.

Feeling used and abused
To everyone’s gain.
Salvage me and my ways.
As I slip out of or into the light
Slide away from use and abuse
And abide within only me.


Thank you again for all your advice.

Hope this version is better!

Kitty

[hillwalker]

This is better - now we see much less of the writer's baggage and more of the message (which is how it should be).

L2 is still for me a bit awkward - not following the same rhythm as L1 and L3

perhaps 'Used, abused, both sound the same' or something along these lines would fit.

Also I did not like the way the line

There must be a change of ways.

appears out of nowhere because there is too sudden a change of voice, as if you have jumped onto a soapbox to deliver a proclamation now you have us where you want us.

And finally you might consider changing the first line of V3 - the phrase 'used and abused' is already repeated close to the end of the poem which is where it is MOST effective so having it here as well tends to weaken the poem's impact.

H

[Delta40]

I agree. You've stripped it down to its essence here Kitty

[kittypaws]

Damn H! Do you have any friends?
:smilielol5:

Just joking! I know you are my friend!

thanks for your valuable input....I think!

kitty

Delta ~ hugz!