Sorry, Dad.

[Jerrybaldy]

I sat on my bed waiting your visit.
My father back in this house.
You had been replaced by Norman.
At least by mum.
You knocked on my door and waited
a bit like a stranger.
I was probably thinking
you may still come back for good.
Norman liked his motorbikes
and had gifted me with plastic models
of superbikes, displayed on top of dressing tables.
Your visit was short.
You looked at my display
and reached to the end of the bed
where sat the shield you had made me
for cub camp.
You had painted a fox on the plyboard
that you had then sawn by hand in the shed.
You smashed it over your knee
and left me again.
As you marched out I held the shattered halves
trying to fix that fox.
I felt so cheap
betraying you with Normans plastic bikes.
I smashed them into so many bits
with my broken shield
and the rage
was to mask my shame.

[Haunted]

Jerry, you captured all the hurt and guilt a child feels when parents part ways and find other partners. I can feel the heartache of the boy.

[hillwalker]

The mix of emotions the boy must have felt are skilfully drawn - and the title is almost like an afterthought.

H

[PrinceMyshkin]

This so good, Jerry: so true and so unaffected.

[Delta40]

I don't why my heart screams out that Norman is the bad guy....

[angliholic]

Wow!
What a touching poem!
I like it very much!
Way to go, Jerry!

[Skia]

That has brought me back to a short story I analysed in high school in English Lit.Hmm... I liked it :)

[dafydd manton]

That, my old pirate, must have been very hard to write, and even harder to get over so very well. There are so many emotions in here, yet never over-done, even remotely. I'm mega-impressed!!

[PrinceMyshkin]

I don't why my heart screams out that Norman is the bad guy....

I don't think the poem in any way implies that Norman is "the bad guy" other than that anyone who replaced the boy's wounded father would be a bad guy.

[Delta40]

I don't think the poem in any way implies that Norman is "the bad guy" other than that anyone who replaced the boy's wounded father would be a bad guy.

You're right. He replaced a father that the boy loved. Poor Norman by virtue of being a stepparent but my heart breaks for the child who feels responsible for his fathers replacement. My heart breaks for the child who feels they betrayed the father they love and worship. I think this poem is written through childs eyes where everything is internalised and the child is to blame for the loss of that which they love. Of course a stepparent may not be a bad person but the guilt and betrayal a child imposes upon themselves from either liking the stepparent or hating them is enormous and a stepparent is the interlocutor, no matter how nice they are.

Jerry reveals that heartbreaking dilemma through each line here.

[Jerrybaldy]

Is a memory told as it happened, that i had been purchased by plastic motorbikes in betrayal of my fathers hand made shield. The shame. It disturbs me to this day.Hence the post. I went on to leave my children. So I didnt learn much.
thanks for reading and commenting.
Jerry B

[Jerrybaldy]

Btw Delta he turned out to be the bad guy. He screwed half of bristol. I was a young publican at the time, I managed to talk with one of his workmates, he was known as the silver fox, his mate told me how he lived with a lump of c*** who had no idea.

[Delta40]

sorry Jerry. I don't know if its about learning much but we do repeat familiar patterns.