Biggus
09-23-2010, 05:43 AM
ABBREVIATED IRONY
I have often thought it ironic
If not positively absurd
That the term, abbreviated
Is an eleven letter word
GLORY OF THE DAWN
Oh to awake at dawn
Awaking with the horn
To sport a morning glory
Was highly satisfactory
A magnificent early riser
With which to surprise her
But alas that was in my youth
And to tell the honest truth
Now my poor dormant muscle
Can barely raise a chuckle
THE EXORCIST
There is a ghost in my house
A poltergeist in nature
And I am determined to see
Its imminent departure
I have secured the services
Of an expert of eminence
An exorcist of renown
To un-haunt my residence
He is not a cheap solution
To my poltergeist problem
But the spirit has to go
Before I end up in an asylum
But the price must be met
This was sternly stressed
For if I default on the fee
The house will be repossessed
THE CALL OF THE WILD
Not pampered or preened
Nor sculptured or shaped
Not tidied or groomed
Nor shaven or scraped
For neat and manicured
Well, nothing could be fouler
For we like it as nature intended
An untamed hairy growler
No French landing strips
Or Brazilian styled
Just wild and untamed bush
Because we like our beaver wild
DEFLATED
I used to rise at dawn
And marvel at my erection
Such a thing of beauty
So wonderful in its perfection
But those days are behind me
Its flaccid now upon inspection
And to raise it from its flaccidity
I must consume some blue confection
And thus perform a miracle rising
Akin to the resurrection
THE ABSENT MINDED OCTOGENARIAN
An octogenarian visited his doctor
'I think I'm getting senile” he said
The doctor replied “I don’t think you are senile
Let’s look for a different diagnosis instead”
“But I keep forgetting to do up my fly”
The old man said “After I’ve been for a pee”
The doctor smiled and then replied
“Not opening your fly before you start, that’s senility”
I have often thought it ironic
If not positively absurd
That the term, abbreviated
Is an eleven letter word
GLORY OF THE DAWN
Oh to awake at dawn
Awaking with the horn
To sport a morning glory
Was highly satisfactory
A magnificent early riser
With which to surprise her
But alas that was in my youth
And to tell the honest truth
Now my poor dormant muscle
Can barely raise a chuckle
THE EXORCIST
There is a ghost in my house
A poltergeist in nature
And I am determined to see
Its imminent departure
I have secured the services
Of an expert of eminence
An exorcist of renown
To un-haunt my residence
He is not a cheap solution
To my poltergeist problem
But the spirit has to go
Before I end up in an asylum
But the price must be met
This was sternly stressed
For if I default on the fee
The house will be repossessed
THE CALL OF THE WILD
Not pampered or preened
Nor sculptured or shaped
Not tidied or groomed
Nor shaven or scraped
For neat and manicured
Well, nothing could be fouler
For we like it as nature intended
An untamed hairy growler
No French landing strips
Or Brazilian styled
Just wild and untamed bush
Because we like our beaver wild
DEFLATED
I used to rise at dawn
And marvel at my erection
Such a thing of beauty
So wonderful in its perfection
But those days are behind me
Its flaccid now upon inspection
And to raise it from its flaccidity
I must consume some blue confection
And thus perform a miracle rising
Akin to the resurrection
THE ABSENT MINDED OCTOGENARIAN
An octogenarian visited his doctor
'I think I'm getting senile” he said
The doctor replied “I don’t think you are senile
Let’s look for a different diagnosis instead”
“But I keep forgetting to do up my fly”
The old man said “After I’ve been for a pee”
The doctor smiled and then replied
“Not opening your fly before you start, that’s senility”