My First Poem

[glover7]

Well, it's the first one I've ever posted here, anyway. This is my first poem in about three years. Let me know what you think.


Tell

Violence, it is violence sweeps the way
As air pulls aside.
The son, he does not bleed
After his father sinks into his white
Flesh.
Arched back. Arced back.
The son, the little boy, doesn’t know when
It’s over.
With no lip left to quiver,
All gather round and whisper,
“Did you see the flash?”
All are praise. All are worship,
As the boy’s head is left sticky in the sun.

[hillwalker]

This conjures up some disturbing imagery - as much in what is left out as what is on display. Some of the word sequences are rather confusing but perhaps it's just as well that the reader is left to decypher for themelves what hs happened.

H

[PrinceMyshkin]

I agree that one is left somewhat in the dark about what went on here but as much as is displayed is effectively vivid.

[glover7]

Cool. I was being intentional with the ambiguity because it's another take on the William Tell story (hence the title). Did I overdo it?

[NikolaiI]

Gruesome!

[Delta40]

Oh. I was thinking did this kid get hit by a lightning bolt? but I guess he did in a way