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alcala0001
09-20-2010, 12:53 PM
Its amazing what strangers will tell you. A kind word and a smile will get you a front row seat to their life story, given enough time and encouragement. Most people half-heartedly listen as others ramble on about the trivialities of their life, but I hang on every word, listening to the speech patterns, the accent, the subtle inflections of their voice. And I'm a good listener. The best listener. A real nice woman. This is Milly Stuart from Sioux Falls. A divorcee having her first vacation after the end of her short failed Marriage. Derrek was a cheating bastard and she had had enough when he started getting physical. Milly was not a woman who would stand for that sort of thing. Good for you, Milly. An only child, she had tragically lost her dad to a heart attack and her mom to the bottle. Only 24 and so much tragedy. She finally realizes that she has just been pouring her heart out. An hour has gone by and the electronic board on the far wall still doesn't have her flight listed. Our flight. Miss Milly doesn't know it yet, but she's just met her BFF. I ask her to watch my coat as I get up and make my way to the ticket counter. Plenty of seating left on flight 243. Mexico, here we come! A quick stop at Starbucks and I'm on my way. The big guy at the front of the line was checking me out as I approached. Most men do. I hurried over to him and gave him some money and a phone number. Nikki Brown's phone number. She won't be calling him back. Her phone probably still has service. Past due, but probably still active. John is his name. I thank him as he hands me the mochas and I tell him that I'll be waiting for his call later tonight. I make my way back toward my seat and hand Milly her coffee and fill her in on my life as we wait for our flight.

Engines roar and the plane vibrates. My stomach sinks to the bottom as we accelerate down the runway. I can see the tension on her face. She's uncomfortable with the takeoff. I grab Milly's hand and give her a smile of encouragement that she returns. A kind old lady was nice enough to let me sit by my new best friend. On the way to Los Cabos Airport we discover how much we have in common. We like all the same things; TV shows, music artists and even the same hobbies. I fight the urge to keep the sarcasm out of my voice as I tell her how much I just LOVE to scrapbook! It's Milly that suggests we room together after learning that my itinerary in Mexico is open and that I don't really have anything planned. I tell her that sounds like a wonderful idea. Drinks on the beach and hot guys to flirt with. Milly is ready to make up for lost time with a vengeance. Good for her.

We land in Cabo San Lucas. As we step out of the airport the Mexican heat slaps us in the face. I was not dressed for Mexico, but no worries. My suitcase has clothes for any situation. I like to be prepared. We get a taxi and Head over to Hotel Plaza Del Mar. Our cab driver is named Juan. Milly is impressed as I converse with him in perfect Spanish. One of the languages I have picked up in my travels. My inflection, tone and pronunciation even impresses Juan. He even asks me if i'm Mexican. I'm a good listener. I pick up his accent and get comfortable with it, just in case things don't work out with Milly. I might be in Mexico for a while and I like to be prepared. We arrive at our Hotel and I thank Juan, giving him a generous tip. Milly and I check in and she upgrades us to two queen sized beds. I make sure that we get a room with easy access to the beach. I tell her that I plan on visiting the beach later tonight. Milly asks if she can come with me and I tell her that I insist on it. That Milly. Such a nice girl. A really good BFF. We head down to the bar, but it's still early and we make small talk with some older men. They are pleasant enough.

I watch the clock. Milly can't seem to hold her liquor very well as her words start to slur. I chide her about being such a lightweight and I lead her through the lobby and she stumbles as we enter the elevator. We get to our room and she's leaning on me, staggering as I heave her onto her bed. That was fast. I leave the hotel in a taxi and head to the nearest drug store. An old building with a new facade, meant to look good from the street. I pick up a hand basket and browse the aisles for some supplies. I pick up scissors, makeup and some snacks. Its a well-stocked store with a variety of items. I also find large trash bags, duct tape, pliers and an exacto knife - one with extra razor blades. I find hair dye that will approximate Milly's pretty auburn hair. She does have really nice hair, that Milly. Good for her. I only have a few hours left before the drugs wear off. Plenty of time to slice her throat and remove her teeth and fingertips. I have to cut and dye my hair. At least we have a similar shade of hazel eyes. I've gotten pretty good at this; I've had lots of practice. Look out world - Here comes Milly Stuart!

hillwalker
09-20-2010, 01:45 PM
This was one hell of a flight of fancy (I hope) and I'm still grinning from ear to ear with that cruel punchline.

You rack up the tension so assuredly - the reader knows something is not quite right, and is fed just enough information to figure out this will not end well without being able to decide quite why.

Loved it.

H

alcala0001
09-20-2010, 02:40 PM
Thanks again for commenting! Yea its a nice piece of fiction - as far as you know - *wink* and I'm glad you enjoyed it. I would like to try and write longer stories, but I'm not sure how large a story I can fit per post and I don't want to bore anybody with some behemoth.

Steven Hunley
09-20-2010, 03:33 PM
Good story, good twisted story told in just enough words. What could be better?

Buh4Bee
09-21-2010, 08:20 AM
Ho Roberto!

I liked this as well. There are several guys on here who write from a female perspective. I thought it was a decent start.

breathtest
09-21-2010, 09:24 AM
i'm pretty amazed by this and i didn't see the end coming it was so surprising and so good. I like to be shocked. i also very much like the beginning how the narrator begins by saying she is a good listener and then tells the reader about this other womans life. fantastic. thank you for posting.

alcala0001
09-21-2010, 11:03 AM
Thanks for the positive feedback. Yea she's basically a serial killer who hangs around public places and picks victims who look similar to her, who won't be missed, and steals their identities for a while. She 'borrows' them. It's not specified - but it's implied. I wanted to keep it subtle, but a few re-reads and you see more clearly the clues left along the way.

breathtest
09-21-2010, 01:12 PM
i just re-read as you suggested and i found that the bit in the first paragraph is really creepy, where she say 'Our flight' and then goes to book a ticket right after finding out what flight the other woman is on. it gave me chills, but somehow i missed the unordinariness of it the last time.