Dot adi

[dafydd manton]

DOT ADI


Ok, now check your mirror.
Anybody there?
OK, so stop, then.
Yes it was a bit big, wasn't it
About forty four tons,
Give or take.
Stopped for us? I doubt it.
Result? I think I might have
Used the dual controls,
Before we found out what a truck
Full of road-stone might do to us.
Fine, so the road is clear,
Good, very good, just a bit more gas,
Press the pedal down a bit,
A bit more.
The limit? Oh, it's 30, but don't worry,
We've got another 25 to go yet.
Fancy that gear change?
Okay..... maybe a bit slower on the clutch.
No, I'll get it off the back seat later,
It's only a phone,
Probably won't need it,
Hahahaha.
(Except to call an ambulance)
What? No, just thinking out loud.
Fine, good speed, er,
Maybe a bit of brakes?
Yes, 30, but.....I know it's only another 10,
Only, that car with the red stripe..
Yeah, that one, with the blue light.
Good.... although maybe 10 is a bit slow, now.
Just pull in to the side and park, please.
Yes, well done, lets take a little break.
Shaking hands?
No just a touch of a cold,
I suspect.

[Maryd.]

Oh Dave, so funny. I can't stop laughing. Family must think I am nuts. It's 11.20pm here.

[dafydd manton]

Bit late for a driving lesson, perhaps...... Maybe I should go for the career change, and stick to making people laugh - it;d have to be safer!!! Thanks for the comment, Mary, you know how much I appreciate your input.

[Maryd.]

Sorry darl, so insensitive of me... But you are very good at comedy.

[dafydd manton]

Thank 'ee kindly, moi deario! I try. *Bows low, trips over cat, swears, ruins moment!*

[Maryd.]

You see, you just cracked me up again... Hahahaha

[dafydd manton]

How am I supposed to answer, lying down here with cat-food in me hair?

[Maryd.]

Hee hee hee hee hee

[dafydd manton]

I wouldn't mind, but it's the rabbit flavour, and you know what that does to my skin.....

[Hawkman]

Yes, very good Daf. Reminds me of the great Bob Newheart who used to do a stand-up skit as a Driving Instructor and a bus driver too if I remember rightly. Thanks to you I'm reliving the 60's :D

[Haunted]

my favorite word in the poem:



Hahahaha


...and that sums up the fun I had while reading it!

[dafydd manton]

Thanks Hawk - Newhart was brilliant. Accurate, too!

Haunted - thanks to you too - the force gaiety in the car, when you'd like to shake them warmly by the throat.

[Haunted]

while you're at the steering wheel Daf, here's a question for you:
what is it about men not asking for directions? Or it is just an American phenomenon?

[dafydd manton]

Me will not ask for directions because it displays a lack of Hunter/Gatherer instincts (actually, that just means they think they'll look a prat), and they always turn the radio off when looking at a map. It is universal, believe me.

[Haunted]

I knew it! hehehehe

[hillwalker]

Bob Newhart was also my first thought, daf..... and then I went off road and ended up thinking more 'Confessions of a Driving Instructor'!

[dafydd manton]

Bob Newhart was also my first thought, daf..... and then I went off road and ended up thinking more 'Confessions of a Driving Instructor'!

Hardly! When you're in fear for your life, that's the last thing that crosses the mind!

[dafydd manton]

Rather surprised that nobody has queried the title. Most disappointing - am I losing my touch?

[Haunted]

Is it a coded message? Tell me tell me!

[dafydd manton]

Nothing so exciting, I'm afraid. In fact, incredibly mundane, but I the company I work for insists I have it on my card - Department Of Transport Approved Driving Instructor. See? I told you it was dull. (Grey job, grey hair, grey life.........*sob*)

[Haunted]

ahhh how about no job, no life.....*wailing like a broken violin*

so you're teaching everyone in Great Britain to drive on the wrong side of the road?

[dafydd manton]

Oh, no, we drive on the left, because the horses go on the left, and a gentleman needs space to draw his sword, which he would not have on the right. You gotta get your priorities right!! That's also why all British fighter aircraft have the cockpit entrance on the left, because that is the side a gentleman would mount his horse. (I bet you think I'm joking, don't you.....)

[Haunted]

I wouldn't doubt you Duck. Things are kinda different on this side of the pond. We mount stupid big@ss hummers, shoot with automatics and run every slow poke off the road. Ever heard of an American gentleman? Never! It's an oxymoron.

[dafydd manton]

Ah, yes, sorry, I stand corrected! Not that we all use a butter knife, you know. Some of the populace are really quite common - you know the sort of things, teabags, instant coffee, sliced bread, getting Cook to bring the meals in rather than the Butler. Standards really are slipping! Dash it, saw a chap in McDonald's yesterday, didn't have a morning coat and hat on. Poor show!

[Haunted]

the fall of the British Empire right before our eyes! True, we don't have Cook and Butler (capital letters, huh, so pompous) but we make up for it with our own personal trainer, our own spiritual advisor, our own money manager (who spend all our money), even our own attorney in case we get sued for writing stuff like this. Did I forget to mention our dogs sleep in air conditioned dog houses and cats get professional kitty massages.

[dafydd manton]

What a loony world we live in! I want to go and hide in the Australian Outback, and live with kangaroos. Or wallabies, I'm not fussy. Duck-billed platypuses...platypi? I dunno..!

[hillwalker]

I want that job - a pussy(cat) massager.

[dafydd manton]

Stop it - you'll go blind!

[hillwalker]

Que? http://www.online-literature.com/forums/picture.php?albumid=903&pictureid=6939

[Haunted]

Make room for me in the Outback. Will my iPhone work there?

[dafydd manton]

No...... and so much the better!

[Delta40]

I think the awkward flow of your poem here, did the theme of the poem great justice daffy

[Hawkman]

The trouble with the outback daf, is that you have to keep dodging all the meteorites and the American scientists who go there to hoover them up! Sad but true. One can only hope the King Browns will get them...

[dafydd manton]

Still got to be better than Sheffield, or, in Haunted's case, New York... King Brown versus Rat Race.......Hmmmmmm!!!!!!


Delta, thanks for that - half the time, you have to just rap things out without much planning, to prevent the average learner from doing something that would get you your own headline in the local paper, so your observation about the disjointedness is very astute. Fancy a job?

[Delta40]

I have too much to do already but thanks anyway. do you know how hard it is to sit in a kitchen with pots and dishes strewn everywhere and write poetry??

[dafydd manton]

I shall have to take your word for it!!! Just shove the pots and stuff to one side, it'll wait. Leave them outside, for the cats, dogs or whatever you have in your neighbourhood to lick clean. (Doesn't work if you had a hot curry - not a pretty sight, some poor innocent moggy rushing around with a brown tongue hanging out!)