Jesus On The Jukebox

[hillwalker]

JESUS ON THE JUKEBOX

You’ve seen us on the TV, all you doubters and deceivers,
just send ten dollars UPS we’ll make you all believers

An invitation to the dance – a chance to pause and pray
you’ll never need a partner with Jesus as DJ

I’ll bless your doggy for a dollar, guarantee salvation,
just send his photo with your cash ‘cause Jesus loves Alsatians

There’s Rattlesnakes ‘R’ Us in Oklahoma – Brother Walter;
or Sofa Sam and all his dudes – “My surf board is my altar”

The Blessed Band of Banjo Players, south of Athabasca
with hymns that make you want to tap your feet until they blister

Oh ye of little faith, it’s now or never, come to Memphis;
suspicious minds will find relief within the Church of Elvis

Or seek the Sisterhood of Virgins run by Brother Simon
a prayer and fifty dollars guarantees a brand new hymen

Hallelujah, Praise the Lord, we’ll cure all known diseases:
around the altar, back again, let’s run a lap for Jesus

H

[dafydd manton]

Cynical! Cutting, even, and demonstrating the revolting side of some religions, where the god is Mammon! I loved this one - I may well print it and hang it on the wall!!!!

[Delta40]

the ugly side of religion and very well put Hill

[Hawkman]

Nice one hill, it rattles along as truly as the patter of a TV evangelist, all except for S4 which is as bumpy as an Alabama godown. But on the whole I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Best, H

[hillwalker]

@daf - I'm honoured - feel free to hang it next to your signed portrait of Jerry

@Delta - thank you too

and @Hawk - I agree that Brother Walter does tend to intrude rather (but all for the cause of rhyme)

H

[PrinceMyshkin]

For a good time, click: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n2FrFBceLuY

But yours held its own. Now I'm tempted to be an equal-opportunity cynicist and write a scathing spoof of Kol Nidre....

[Skia]

I really enjoyed reading this, :)
I liked it alot,
and Elvis is a vampire, hence all the "Sightings"
:P
(Got a vampire thing today hill)

:)

[Haunted]

Sad but true, some made religion into big business and gave it a bad name. Great satire.

[hillwalker]

@Prince - thank you: this was very much meant as a tongue-in-cheek comment on all those Mickey Mouse 'churches' that seem to sprout across the water - but I think Kol Nidre probably has greater legitimacy

@Skia - I knew it - and there's probably a Church of the Vampire Brotherhood out there somewhere as well

@Haunted - sad, maybe, but that's what happens when there are so many gullible people hoping they can buy salvation at the check-out

H

[Skia]

Oh there is, the real vampires are annoyed at the fact humans pretend to be them... So this church (Ahem) Sorts them out, and sometimes Elvis gets sent on the job ;)

[Bar22do]

A great satire, a denouncement of abuse of the weak... Jesus's proud of you, I'm sure! A nice reading. Thanks a lot.

[hillwalker]

Jesus's proud of you, I'm sure!

Thanks so much Bar - a blessing indeed.

H

[PrinceMyshkin]

@Prince - thank you: this was very much meant as a tongue-in-cheek comment on all those Mickey Mouse 'churches' that seem to sprout across the water

In Japan, as I understand it, if you are a guest in someone's home and are offered something, the custom is to refuse it, politely, the first two times but to accept if it is offered a third time.

As distinct from all these churches thrusting their truths at one, it might be salutary to imagine the humblest sort of church hidden away somewhere, guarding its own hard-won truth; and when someone comes knocking at their doors, begging for that or any other truth, they are turned away twice but only on their third application, are admitted. And they needn't pay a penny for what they're offered.

[hillwalker]

That puts it in perspective Prince; how the earliest 'church' was meant to operate in theory presumably - let in the meek and needy.

Of course we still retain our fair share of 'strange' variations over here. The Free Church of Scotland (of which there are 3 sub-denominations I believe) still do not allow singing or music in their services - only permitting the acapella rendition of the psalms.
And of course, there is strict Sunday observance on the likes of the Isle of Lewis (no Sunday ferries, and the golf course and swimming pool remain shut much to the dismay of most non-religious inhabitants).

H

[Jerrybaldy]

Nice job Hill.
Reminded me of that Genesis song (or Phil Collins) the Jesus he knows me one or is it loves me. Relying on you to know what the hell I am talking about here.
cheers
Jerry

[hillwalker]

Thanks Jerr - you probably mean 'Jesus He Knows Me' off the 'We Can't Dance' album - pretty much the same message - TV evangelists suck.

[angliholic]

Though there are cultural things in this great poem,
yet I still can enjoy it and love it!
Thanks, Hillwalker, my mentor, for sharing!