View Full Version : I think of ......
peter7805
09-20-2010, 03:51 AM
I think of the past days
In the wind the willows float
I think of nowadays
It falls heavily the snows
I walk slowly on the road
Hungry and thirsty in my throat
Now I am sad but nobody knows
NikolaiI
09-20-2010, 02:38 PM
I really like this.
I think of how much I like this poem, and how powerful 7 lines can be. :)
PrinceMyshkin
09-20-2010, 02:50 PM
Bravo for brevity - and how deeply this goes.
Haunted
09-20-2010, 03:05 PM
I bet the hunger and thirst go beyond just a feeling in the throat and you articulated that so well in just one stanza.
Bar22do
09-20-2010, 04:42 PM
I think of the past days
In the wind the willows float
I think of nowadays
It falls heavily the snows
I walk slowly on the road
Hungry and thirsty in my throat
Now I am sad but nobody knows
Well, actually your readers now know! and sharing sadness cuts it in half doesn't it.
You managed a lot in these few lines. But, although you've just been praised for your brevity, I'd venture to suggest (but it's only a suggestion) shorten your poem even more, giving up the road-throat rhyme so that the last two lines read:
hungry, thirsty and sad
though nobody knows.
or sth like that. Thanks for your poem.
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.2 Copyright © 2026 vBulletin Solutions, Inc. All rights reserved.