Brakes on; schreeching tires don't stop.

[twoheadedboy]

This would be considered prose and not poetry I think, but I don't even think you guys have a prose section... Well anyways, I just wrote this recently. I just pumped it out without too much thought of an ending, so it ends abruptly. Like it or don't, I guess.




Violence is like death; we should mourn it if it happens.

We shouldn’t accept it as a way of life. I’m not just talking about ‘drive-by’s and murder-suicides. I am talking about the way we speak, and the way we carry on. I know a kid whose got a murderous mouth and a girl who has cuts in her arms as a way to cope.

I’ve got holes in my sides from daggers and swords; tongues and mouths and dangerous curves. I know a few who have been hit hard by this storm, with waves like hammers, and anvils as shores.
I am tired of violence. I feel it in my bones. When I go to sleep I feel the turbulence and with the way my bed moves I’m tempted to think that my room is in flight. Only the pilot is drunk again. He’s lost control of the plane, but oh!- what is new?

Our mouths are filled with hooks from where we were caught and released. Violence begets Violence begets Violence-but what destroys it? Part of the problem is that I have no solution. I don’t have a plan to feed a billion starving kids, or clothe a million homeless men. I don’t have anything.





Violence and Death. One of those things is inevitable, but not both.

[Bar22do]

I believe we can do a lot: we can change ourselves; often, our change inspires others. We can't do much on a big scale, but our little steps count.
Your text is strong, even if it needs some nits.
By the way, there is a prose section on this site, pls read the list of forums. But with its poetic quality your piece fits here as well.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

[Revolte]

I agree with bar. Also I love you for your name, great song.

[hillwalker]

I agree with Bar - this is poetic enough in content (if not perhaps in style) to fit in here as well as on the short story thread. Some of the expressions you use are very powerful and very imaginative - good stuff.

[dafydd manton]

If poetry should make you think, this is poetry.

[neilgee]

An excellent piece, THB, it really struck a chord with me, and as to the argument is it a poem or not...this line proves the poetry case:

who have been hit hard by this storm, with waves like hammers, and anvils as shores.

the thundering words, the anger of it all, I could almost hear the anvil striking which you allow by the juxtaposition of hammer and anvil but keeping the connection loose, with the intervention of a comma, that slight separation really worked for me.

I really enjoyed this.

[Skia]

I agree with Dafydd..

If words make you think, like this peice has to me, then Its poetry :)

[twoheadedboy]

I really appreciate all the comments. I guess this poem or prose, (I tend to write in a weird combination of the two) is about my frustration. At the fact that sometimes we can't do anything outside of what Bar said. Once we improve ourselves and stuff like that, it still becomes too much sometimes.


and Revolte, I am glad you got the name reference. I love that album. Such great stories in that one. ..

and Neilgee, that line of the poem is one that I toiled over. I must have rewritten it 5 times in a matter of minutes. In the end, that is my favorite line from this poem. (Is it conceited to like your own poetry? Some would have me thinking so... Well I don't care anyways.)

[twoheadedboy]

Bar said that there was a prose section to this website. I have looked and I can't seem to find it. Either I am being silly and missing it, or there isn't one.

Can someone enlighten me?

[Bar22do]

Please go to Literature Network Forums, there you'll find "General Writing" and "Short Story Writing" if I remember correctly. Have a look there.
I re-read your poem-prose, still find it poetic.
Would love to understand the last sentence better - why either violence or death? to me, or both or life eternal... :nonod:
What's your thought?

Best regards from Bar

[twoheadedboy]

My thinking was that out of those two, violence and death. Death was inevitable while violence is not. Now that I think about it, I think that they both are inevitable.


and bar, I see that there is general writing and also a short story section, but there is no prose section. I have looked up and down this website.

Prose is not general writing nor is it short stories. It is it's own thing, and I think that this forum should have a section for it.