Typhoon Night

[angliholic]

In the darkness outside,
the heavy rain keeps pouring down on my canopy,
like cats and dogs fighting noisily,
and the winds are howling like haunting ghosts.

I toss and turn in my bed,
for I can't see, through my small window,
all the poetic romantic stars
smiling at the elegant moon lady tonight.

Hence, I sit up and write down my feelings for you--
I long for you all the more
even though there is no more floral fragrance
wafting up through the chilly air.

How I wish you could read it now!

But I know,
maybe in your sweet dream,
I'm stepping into the rain againt all the high winds,
and walking toward you on a typhoon night!

[hillwalker]

Wonderful imagery again, angl.... and those final 2 lines give a vivid glimpse into how the writer feels.

But I would question your use of the two adverbs 'noisily' and 'violently' in lines 2 and 3 of v1.

You tell us the rain is like two cats and dogs fighting so we are able to imagine the noise without being told it directly - and one would presume most fights are violent so the second adverb also tells us nothing new.
The poem can survive without either imo.

H

[angliholic]

Wonderful imagery again, angl.... and those final 2 lines give a vivid glimpse into how the writer feels.

But I would question your use of the two adverbs 'noisily' and 'violently' in lines 2 and 3 of v1.

You tell us the rain is like two cats and dogs fighting so we are able to imagine the noise without being told it directly - and one would presume most fights are violent so the second adverb also tells us nothing new.
The poem can survive without either imo.

H
Thanks again, Hillwalker, for taking time reading my scribblings and giving me nice comments!

I think you're right about the advice,
so I made some changes!

[aliengirl]

Great poem! Full of lots of brilliant imagery. Whenever I read one of your poems, I know there will be something special about it. I love the way you ended this poem.

[dafydd manton]

If this lady is imaginary, candidly, you are a genius, and if she exists, she is a very lucky girl indeed! Your craftsmanship is engagingly beautiful, as ever.

[Delta40]

I was getting worried that all the flowers had gone here but you replaced them with storms and the one going on in your heart....

[Haunted]

Ang, a little crossover to the dark side again I noticed, I see that as a personal growth. Not that dark is good (tell me about it) but it shows you are having a wider range.

I found the first stanza a bit clumsy. I think what you're trying to say is, it's raining cats and dogs. I actually would steer clear of the cliche. Also "haunting ghosts" is redundant, ghosts are all presumably haunting. Besides, I own the copyright to all the derivatives of the word Haunt ;)

The rest of the poem reads beautifully for me.

[angliholic]

Great poem! Full of lots of brilliant imagery. Whenever I read one of your poems, I know there will be something special about it. I love the way you ended this poem.

Thanks, AG, for taking your precious time to read my scribblings and give me brilliant comments!

You must be extemely busy right now, right?



If this lady is imaginary, candidly, you are a genius, and if she exists, she is a very lucky girl indeed! Your craftsmanship is engagingly beautiful, as ever.

Thanks, my considerate friend, Daffy.
If this lady is half as thoughtful as you, then there is no more whimsical scribblings from me!
Really appreciate your kind words as usual!


I was getting worried that all the flowers had gone here but you replaced them with storms and the one going on in your heart....


Ang, a little crossover to the dark side again I noticed, I see that as a personal growth. Not that dark is good (tell me about it) but it shows you are having a wider range.

I found the first stanza a bit clumsy. I think what you're trying to say is, it's raining cats and dogs. I actually would steer clear of the cliche. Also "haunting ghosts" is redundant, ghosts are all presumably haunting. Besides, I own the copyright to all the derivatives of the word Haunt ;)

The rest of the poem reads beautifully for me.

Thanks, Haunted, for the beautiful feedback and advice!

Your poems are like your username--always hauntingly beautiful!