Babylon Within

[babylonsfalling]

Babylon Within

Look not to the plains of Megiddo,
her time is yet ages away.
Look deep in your soul
where evils do troll,
where flesh battles Spirit each day.

And the sons of men lifted their eyes
searching beyond the things of the world.
And for all who looked, behold,
heaven was opened
and there came unto the hearts of men
a rider on a white horse,
whose name was called Faithful and True.
For in righteousness
doeth He make war against our sin.

And I saw that the beast from within,
and the great whore with the false prophet,
and all which gathered in my heart
for battle against the Lamb
were taken and cast into the lake of fire.
And all which was in my heart was made new
by the Lamb of God.

Holy Father….
The antichrist lives in my person,
seeking to make his control.
The beast is within,
he lives in my sin.
Let Babylon fall from my soul.

[hillwalker]

The first verse is very good, but then it seems to go off track slightly (in terms of metre and rhyme.... which we might expect to be continued).

You write with the voice of a tortured soul - very much blood and thunder although I do detect some humanity revealing itself in this latest piece.

H

[Jerrybaldy]

"Although this may inflict a curse
I do not like religious verse."

'Would you like it on a hill
or taken with a drowsy pill?'

"I would not like it on a hill
or taken with a drowsy pill
Although this may inflict a curse
I do not like religious verse"

'Would you like it, preached on high?
or as a thunderbolt from the sky'

"Not preached on high
Not on a hill
Not from the sky
Not with a pill
Although this may inflict a curse
I do not like religious verse"

'Would you read it with a haunted host
Would you read it with beans on toast?'

"I would not read it with a haunted host
I would not disturb my beans on toast
Not on a hill
Not with a pill
Not preached on high
Not from the sky
Although this may inflict a curse
I do not like religious verse."

'Would you read it in skinny black jeans?
Would you, in your wildest dreams?'

"Not in my wildest dreams
would I wear those skinny jeans"

'You do not like the teachings
You say
Try them, try them and you may'

" I tried them many years ago
I tried them then and so I know
that though this may inflict a curse
I do not like religious verse.
Not on a hill
Not with a pill
Not preached on high
Not as thunderbolt from the sky
Not with a haunted host
Not with beans on toast
Never in my wildest dreams
Would I wear those skinny jeans
and when I receive my awaited curses
I still wont like religious verses.

[tailor STATELY]

The battle within between the natural man and the spiritual man.


The Iron Rod
the full armor of God
prevents the beast
from entering within
keeping sin
forever at bay
Repent ye
Repent ye
and follow Him
who lights the
way for men
on to Celestial Glory !
Amen

tailor STATELY


Agree with Hillwalker on this one poetically. Very good start. Have a wonderful Sabbath !

Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
tailor STATELY

[babylonsfalling]

The first verse is very good, but then it seems to go off track slightly (in terms of metre and rhyme.... which we might expect to be continued).

You write with the voice of a tortured soul - very much blood and thunder although I do detect some humanity revealing itself in this latest piece.

H

It was supposed to be that way, though I don't know how it sounds to people when they read it.

The intent was to start off with traditional rhyme/meter, then put in a free verse body of related subject matter, then end with another rhyme/meter section....wrapping a free verse center with traditional rhyme/meter beginnings and endings.

Apparently it's not working for readers though.

[hillwalker]

It was supposed to be that way, though I don't know how it sounds to people when they read it.

The intent was to start off with traditional rhyme/meter, then put in a free verse body of related subject matter, then end with another rhyme/meter section....wrapping a free verse center with traditional rhyme/meter beginnings and endings.

Apparently it's not working for readers though.

Now you point it out, I do see the return to a more structured verse with the final stanza.

It's the middle section that is rather heavy-handed; I would hardly class it free verse, more like prose split into lines to resemble poetry. And when you revert to this style we are no longer able to engage with the writer because it sounds like you are writing for your own salvation rather than to enlighten the reader.

H

[babylonsfalling]

Now you point it out, I do see the return to a more structured verse with the final stanza.

It's the middle section that is rather heavy-handed; I would hardly class it free verse, more like prose split into lines to resemble poetry. You're right, free verse isn't a good term for it, I don't know what term would best define it. And when you revert to this style we are no longer able to engage with the writer because it sounds like you are writing for your own salvation rather than to enlighten the reader.

H


The middle part was supposed to sound reminiscent of prophecies which are usually interpreted with future political/worldly events in mind and which may well be a correct interpretation, but which I believe can also be applied inwardly, to each individual. I was trying to push the inward interpretation..i.e. Babylon, the great whore, the beast are all things which exist within as well as without, and the advent of Christ in our heart can redeem the heart within as well as the world without.

The last stanza was kind of subliminal suggestion of applying the inward interpretation through prayer, to one's own heart.

It's apparently not coming through that way to the reader though. I get it because I know my intent from the outset....but people reading it for the first time, it's not there.

[hillwalker]

I did indeed get the Biblical-prophecy style of the main body of this poem - but in a nutshell that is its problem. William Blake was able to put it to good use, but unfortunately the way you present it makes it is more likely to alienate your readership than attract.

I'm no fan of religious verse, nor devotional poetry, but there is no denying its power when it is original and sincere. But what we have here is two quite good verses bookending something rather heavy-handed and unapproachable to most people.

... just my personal opinion.

H

[babylonsfalling]

I did indeed get the Biblical-prophecy style of the main body of this poem - but in a nutshell that is its problem. William Blake was able to put it to good use, but unfortunately the way you present it makes it is more likely to alienate your readership than attract.

I'm no fan of religious verse, nor devotional poetry, but there is no denying its power when it is original and sincere. But what we have here is two quite good verses bookending something rather heavy-handed and unapproachable to most people.

... just my personal opinion.

H

This...

And the sons of men lifted their eyes
searching beyond the things of the world.
And for all who looked, behold,
heaven was opened
and there came unto the hearts of men
a rider on a white horse,
whose name was called Faithful and True.
For in righteousness
doeth He make war against our sin.

And I saw that the beast from within,
and the great whore with the false prophet,
and all which gathered in my heart
for battle against the Lamb
were taken and cast into the lake of fire.
And all which was in my heart was made new
by the Lamb of God.
is heavy handed?

But not....

Look not to the plains of Megiddo,
her time is yet ages away.
Look deep in your soul
where evils do troll,
where flesh battles Spirit each day.

Holy Father….
The antichrist lives in my person,
seeking to make his control.
The beast is within,
he lives in my sin.
Let Babylon fall from my soul.

Both consist of one stanza speaking generally to the world at large, and a second stanza speaking more personally. I would have thought in terms of heavy or light handedness, both were relatively equal.

In terms of the type of writing.......much different though.

[babylonsfalling]

The battle within between the natural man and the spiritual man.


The Iron Rod
the full armor of God
prevents the beast
from entering within
keeping sin
forever at bay
Repent ye
Repent ye
and follow Him
who lights the
way for men
on to Celestial Glory !
Amen

tailor STATELY


Agree with Hillwalker on this one poetically. Very good start. Have a wonderful Sabbath !

Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
tailor STATELY

The switches from rhyme-write to non-rhyme-write were actually intentional mixing of both, but apparently not very appealing for readers.

[hillwalker]

It's a personal observation -

The opening and closing verses are written in a lighter style inviting the reader to explore and imagine for themselves what you are describing.....

I felt the longer section in the centre was rather more specifically 'religious' in style and tone - by design you admit - but it reminded me of being doorstepped by members of some proselytising sect.

H

[babylonsfalling]

It's a personal observation -

The opening and closing verses are written in a lighter style inviting the reader to explore and imagine for themselves what you are describing.....

I felt the longer section in the centre was rather more specifically 'religious' in style and tone - by design you admit - but it reminded me of being doorstepped by members of some proselytising sect.

H

I think rhyme may make things sound lighter.
But both the opening and closing verses which rhyme have clear Biblical references in them, and those references certainly aren't of the lighter things of the Bible.

I think the center part is lighter in the sense of an optimistic view of ultimate redemption, whereas the rhyming section are actually darker about Armageddon, evils of the soul, etc....the center part is more about the defeat of evil, something which I think would be apparent even to someone who might be reading as an unbeliever.