Disillusion Soldier

[zoolane]

It began as substance on ground,
no colour or dense to it just here.
Being drawn closer before sink into earth,
next to it like slab meat just drop for animal to eat.

Wait it limb, it is not far away but what one?
Disorientation, disillusion soldier stand in no man land,
close hes eyes but all see is inhuman piece of meat in distance.
He feel at should extricate himself from the limb,
but can't feel imperative to have glance.

Disillusion soldier crept ever near disbowel limb,
the strange colourless substance still everywhere.
The heat, smell seem odourless to point burn hes skin.
Suddenly he standing over the limb, disfigure with no shape.

Seem to have hair, teeth, one eye stare up sent chilled down soldier spine.
Ear is hang off by thread of skin, no ear left on other side.
Nose has being taken clear of from the limb.

The disillusion soldier decide that head.

[dafydd manton]

The evil that is war, the futility of combat, all that comes to mind, as I read of what is essentially an inhuman situation foisted upon unwilling humans. How and why we do this to ourselves is beyond most rational people, but you have highlighted the horrors of the battle-field, and the mental scars it leaves. Your use of language is unusual, but I like it. Perhaps, it makes us think that bit harder about what we are reading. Thanks, Zoo, good piece of work.

[zoolane]

Thank you Dafy for your comment being inspired by book, the last one & this one is really experimental to see if I can write long piece.

This was see if I introduce long complex words, it only few at times because most of time I find hard to express what I want to said it words.

I hope I am improve my write skills and develop in good way.

[dafydd manton]

Just keep dong it, that's the important bit. You have a unique voice.

[Jerrybaldy]

You are definitely improving in your writing and the increased complexity of your writing. Daffy makes a good point, your unusual grammar does concentrate the reading. Keep at it dear zoo.
JerryB

[hillwalker]

I'm going to say the same as daf and Jerry - the more you practice the more confident you will become. You already have a distinctive style - not just in the irregular way you write but by the amount of graphic detail you feed into your work. Keep at it.

H

[zoolane]

Thank you H, I am still not sure about touch, feel, romance stuff, just because do not allow or not able to let myself go with emotions so to point.

Graphic detail is what want in the poems I written but sometime I wish could do more gentle and soft poems or short stories.

[dafydd manton]

Keep trying, you will, without doubt!

[hillwalker]

It's a case of letting your imagination take over and pretending yourself into somebody else's shoes..... and it can be an enriching experience if you go with the flow.

[Delta40]

I think your poems are quite graphic and you challenge the reader to actively engage in your poetic journey. you have some real strengths Zoo and I enjoy your writing.

[zoolane]

Thank you for comments make confident in what I write, H I think bit scare to point of letting imagination run away incases off scale. My Fanasy world of poems was when I was 14-16 yrs, it was my way of homelife.

[hillwalker]

You'll be surprised how many 'writers' that I know (and myself included) started the same way - it must be a natual part of adolescence for the more creative amongst us when all those jumbled thoughts need some escape hatch to tumble out of.

As for being afraid of 'letting it all out' in case it goes off the scale..... don't be. You don't have to post everything as soon as you write it if you are not comfortable sharing it; and sometimes going back to something later gives you a chance to tone it down slightly and try to become more subtle. It's all part of the fun of writing.

H

[Jerrybaldy]

I think its safe to say, if you let it all out nobody will be shocked particularly (God knows I have tried :D ) Personally I see this as a safe zone where I write thoughts uncensored as they would have to be any where else and I hit the post button with abandon. But any way you chose to do it zoo, go ahead and do it.
best wishes
Jerry

[Delta40]

don't hold back zoo - let it come out - either in drips and trickles or a gushing flood - whatever is best for you

[zoolane]

As for being afraid of 'letting it all out' in case it goes off the scale..... don't be. You don't have to post everything as soon as you write it if you are not comfortable sharing it; and sometimes going back to something later gives you a chance to tone it down slightly and try to become more subtle. It's all part of the fun of writing.

H

Understanding what you said but that moment in regard posts pieces that I write within time frame, reason why post straight away or that day is because apartof me know that lose courage post the thread.

Normal I follow my gutted instinct, go back to edit or change words or idea.