Happy Odyssey.

[zoolane]

Sit with my men in long open air tunnel,
smell of rotten flesh running down line.
Getting ready to go over top,
turn around see to my horror
I had being sitting on corpse.

Here we going into no man land,
trying to see through mist.
Shells being thrown pass me,
Eyes stream, nostrils try figure out if death comes for me.

Every step I take, is going to being my last?
Soldiers being flung into air like toys.
Bullets comes every direction possible.



I find myself on ground, try quick to feel my anatomy.
Find red substance on my hand.
Look down to see my leg, misplaced from body.
From corner of good eye see my misplaced limp 100 yds to my left.

Everything went black no sound only my beloved countryside,
open my eye to see dressing station above me.
Remembering about my missing limb,
look down to see at going for good.


Inspired by Autobiography 'Sir Adrian Carton De Wiart' 'Happy Odyssed'.

[Jerrybaldy]

Good job capturing the horror of the trenches, Zoo. There are some errors in the grammar and the last line may need looking at, but you completely got your story over and it made for a very good read.
Keep it going Zoo.
Best wishes
Jerry

[zoolane]

Everything when black no sound only my beloved countryside,
open my eye to see dressing station above me.
Remembering about my missing limb,
realized now that I have being left with snub.


Any better Jerry? if not please feel free suggest something.

[hillwalker]

It's a brutal part of history and you certainly capture the personal horrors.

I'm not sure about the sound-effects half way through (the 'bang bang') - you are better off just letting your choice of words speak for themselves.....

and that final verse Jerry refers to, I think you mean 'went' not 'when' in line 1.

H

[zoolane]

Thank you for your comment Hillwalker, the book I current reading nearly finish is interesting than itn't type that you can't put down but their not lots blood and gore. Its quite unusual choice that I pick this time round.

Next of list is Dean Knoontz.

[hillwalker]

Dean Koontz - some of his work is very good, but some is really dreadful.

2 of his best in my opinion are 'Strangers' and 'Watchers' - if you can get hold of them - both a bit long but the kind of book you never want to put down until you finish reading it.

H