My Story

[DavidsShorts]

Please leave some comments on how you like this style of writing. I was playing around with a writing exercise and was not able to decide what I wanted to write. To try and get out of the writers block I just started writing about what I would write about if I could. Thanks for the comments!

http://www.shortfictionstories.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/Beach-Sunset.jpg

If I was writing a story about this picture right now I would probably point out how orange the sky is and how much it looks like a nuclear bomb going off in the distance. The mushroom cloud can almost been seen through the light as it fades in the distance. The peacefulness of the image would strengthen my claim of the end of life in the distance. The light from the blast so bright that it blocked out the suns light and turned the sky dark when this picture was taken. I may even try and convince you that there is a war going on and that this, once crowded, beach is now empty because there is no one left alive.

I might go on and on about a love story that happened on the beach just a year before. How the lovers had met at a business conference and had enjoyed each other’s company so much that they both decided to leave their significant others to be with each other. If I’m smart I will lead with the part about the lovers to peak your interest and make you want to read more about how they fell in love. Little do you know that in my story the lovers meet a horrible end together as they return to this spot only a day before this picture is taken only to find their house burned and men with guns shooting at everything that moved. But I can’t let the lovers die that quickly so I would have to create a diversion for them at the last second as one of the men with a gun is about to shoot them both a plane flys over distracting the man and allowing the lovers to flee to safety.

I would tell you about the struggles that they faced trying to survive as armies fought all around them. How they shivered in the cold rain at night and remained perfectly still during the day to avoid being found. I may throw in a twist where they are saved by a friendly old man who face is as wrinkled as a raisin and his hands shake constantly as he speaks with them. He has a way for them to get out, but it is a dangerous road to travel. Perhaps, I will make this old man turn on his new found friends and turn them in in order to save his wife of 50 years who is being held captive by one of the armies. The men with guns might just end up finding these lovers and taking them to a prison camp near by where this picture was taken and put them in cages that are too small for even a dog to stay in. I may tell you that their living conditions are horrendous and that they do not receive food or water for three days and that they are beaten constantly to provide information. I may even have you, the reader, believing that these two lovers are traitors to their country that they are spies for the enemy. That these men have every right to do what they are doing to them. You of course would be wrong about these lovers though. Because they are not spies. They are but two lovers caught in a fight for not only their lives but their freedom.

These lovers, in my story, would finally manage to escape because a guard pitied them because of their love for each other and set them free. But as they tried to escape into the sunset and live the rest of their lives together a strange glow would appear in the distance. The ball of fire that is in the picture taken would be the last picture ever taken because it would be the last day that any human being would walk on this green earth. Finally as the photo, depicted above, develops slowly in the sand and the blast nears, the lovers would have a final embrace and die in each other’s arms.

It would be a story of love. A story of life. A story worth telling. If I were writing a story about this photograph, that is what I would write about.

[hillwalker]

You ask about the style. Well it has a certain originality - the author inserting his creative processes into the story itself - telling what he might write (and in doing so, actually writing it of course).

My only criticism would be that if overdone this intrusion becomes very annoying for the reader - almost like being nudged in the ribs every few paragraphs to be told: 'look, I'm still here, I want your attention'.

So if you intend pursuing this line of writing I would discourage you from using the device quite as much as you do here. Used subtly it can be quirky.

Also, a minor point - the first two sentences both end with the words 'in the distance' - unnecessary repetition.

And as for the plot of the story you might write; well, in a word - dreadful.

[DavidsShorts]

You ask about the style. Well it has a certain originality - the author inserting his creative processes into the story itself - telling what he might write (and in doing so, actually writing it of course).

My only criticism would be that if overdone this intrusion becomes very annoying for the reader - almost like being nudged in the ribs every few paragraphs to be told: 'look, I'm still here, I want your attention'.

So if you intend pursuing this line of writing I would discourage you from using the device quite as much as you do here. Used subtly it can be quirky.

Also, a minor point - the first two sentences both end with the words 'in the distance' - unnecessary repetition.

And as for the plot of the story you might write; well, in a word - dreadful.

Thanks for the reply. The story it self is a completly unpolished work but thanks for the tips anyways. I was more currious about the writing style. After several passes of the story I can see your point about it being overused in the story. If I were to polish a story similar to this one I would try to reduce the amount that it was used. Thanks again!