then you'll be a true love of mine!

[angliholic]

You're a shepherd girl from the land of fresh grass and exotic dreams,
and I'm a wandering cloud from a Far East ancient town.

While floating high above,
I see your face, sweet as a buttercup in the meadow.
Ah! How I wish to be a white lamb,
to be able to rest my head upon your lap,
and to let your small whip fall gently like raindrops on my soul!

Yet, I know I'm fated to roam without a destination,
and it's as clear as the water flowing in a brook!

When you're counting your sheep tonight,
you're sure to miss me!
And if you never give up calling me in your dream,
then you'll be a true love of mine!

[hillwalker]

Some beautiful images in this one angli - although I will admit at one point I thought you longed to be a lamb so you could eat the buttercup! ..... but on a second reading I fully got the sense of the piece.


I'm destined to roam without a destination,

perhaps this line could be reconsidered because 'destined' suggests there is indeed a destination - 'doomed' or something along the same lines might serve better

just a thought

H

[angliholic]

Some beautiful images in this one angli - although I will admit at one point I thought you longed to be a lamb so you could eat the buttercup! ..... but on a second reading I fully got the sense of the piece.



perhaps this line could be reconsidered because 'destined' suggests there is indeed a destination - 'doomed' or something along the same lines might serve better

just a thought

H

Thanks, Hillwalker, for the nice feedback and the suggestion!
I thought of "doomed" when I wrote this scribbling. Somehow, "doomed" gives me the impression of "gloom, darkness, and sadness," so I decided to use "destined," a more neutral word for me! Besides, I guess, it's all right to write "I'm destined to roam" followed by "without a goal or a destination."
Correct me if I am wrong again. Thanks.

[Delta40]

I agree with hill, here. what about fated or certain?

[angliholic]

I agree with hill, here. what about fated or certain?

Thanks, Delta, for your suggestion!
I like fated because it seems a neutral word to me!

[hillwalker]

Good choice - 'doomed' does tend to suggest a terrible fate.

[PrinceMyshkin]

I quite like the spontaneous voice in which this unfolds and the humble promise he makes in the last verse.

And yes, "fated" seems a much better choice than the original "doomed" - the latter would have been in contradiction with the loving acquiesence of that last verse.

[angliholic]

Good choice - 'doomed' does tend to suggest a terrible fate.

Thanks, Hillwalker, for the confirmation!



I quite like the spontaneous voice in which this unfolds and the humble promise he makes in the last verse.

And yes, "fated" seems a much better choice than the original "doomed" - the latter would have been in contradiction with the loving acquiesence of that last verse.

Thanks, my Prince, for your spontaneous feedback and praise!

I'm really honored by your grace and presence!

[Delta40]

do you, like me, get the impression that Prince is the father of us all?

[angliholic]

do you, like me, get the impression that Prince is the father of us all?
Yes,
and a loving, respected, and beloved father!

[Delta40]

me thinks you're right

[Jerrybaldy]

he named me in his likeness.
Ang . Can I ask if there is a lady Ang in your life ?
Jerry II

[angliholic]

me thinks you're right
Thanks, Delta, for the confirmation!


he named me in his likeness.
Ang . Can I ask if there is a lady Ang in your life ?
Jerry II

Hi, Jerry,
You lose me by what you said!
Can you be more specific?

[Jerrybaldy]

Ask the Father

[angliholic]

Ask the Father

I might as well ask the wind!
Thank you all the same!

[Skia]

I love it as it stands Angil.

:)

[angliholic]

I love it as it stands Angil.

:)

Thank you for loving it!
The same is true of your poems!

[Skia]

Thank You!
(Hug)