Too Nice A Day

[hillwalker]

TOO NICE A DAY

A day without a single cloud
a taste of fall inside the mouth
a kiss of winter on the tongue
the scent of accusation in the air
another season on the way

too nice a day to be at work
he parks his bike
and shuts the outside world behind the glass doors
wishing he could be elsewhere
out in the open air
on some high mountain trail
to breathe in every atom of a day like this

Stan the man
nods by the elevator
no one knows his surname
no one even knows his situation
only that he’s always here
and always quick to quip
the first to say each morning
‘Have a nice day’

Ali chats about his family
as they grab their early java
first infusion of the morning
showing off his latest camera
3.7 megapixels with a built-in zoom and flash
and all inside one tidy package
small enough to fit inside the pocket

Sally Jo
with new magenta fingernails and hair to match
a little fussy
panicky about the presentation
Meridew & Partners due inside the hour
readjusts the spotlight further to the right
a miracle of architecture
glass and steel
and less than five foot high
she tilts a plastic tree
her fingers have a gentle touch
her boyfriend tells her so most nights
his smell inside her now
as she draws breath
one final breath before the show

And Ali framing pictures in his mind
his daughter’s second birthday coming soon
a week or so past Ramadan
Allah be praised
the house they bought last January
jacarandas round the porch
his wife, his pride, his princess bride,
her mother in the sidelines
Azrael wrapped in a sari
maybe he can airbrush mother out on Photoshop
and Cher and Ben their next-door neighbours
never once imagining
he’s missing out the front page spread

Stan inside his elevator
dreaming of pastrami bagels

Rocky mountain man
chained to his monitor
he’s punching in the figures for the August sales
and hating every single poisoned cell of Excel
almost wishing life itself away
a lazy look outside the window
not a single cloud in sight

H

[Jerrybaldy]

well, you are Rocky mountain man yearning for the great outdoors, though I doubt little stops you in these retired halycon days. The other characters in your novella I can only guess at but worked for me as a slice of life.
You are a man of many styles
Jerry

[hillwalker]

The other characters in your novella I can only guess at but worked for me as a slice of life.

Thanks, Jer. There was an underlying theme in this that I was extremely wary of bringing to the forefront for fear of causing offence.

Perhaps a re-reading of Haunted's latest might give some clue as to what was going through my mind....

[Jerrybaldy]

Aaahhh. I really must give up this interpratation lark. Suddenly takes on a whole new light. Now every bugger will be able to see the 9/11 connection. Sod it ,. lol.
jerry

[PrinceMyshkin]

Couldn't make head nor tail of

"never once imagining
he’s missing out the front page spread"


and until I go back to the poem by Haunted, I have to confess I didn't pick up on the underlying theme though I suspect it might have something to do with multi-ethnicity...or living vertically?

[hillwalker]

Couldn't make head nor tail of

"never once imagining
he’s missing out the front page spread"


It was the irony of someone obsessed with photography possibly missing one of the most iconic images of the century....

As for the underlying theme - I tried to suggest the subject matter almost subliminally (a little foreshadowing) rather than be too obvious....

This can in fact be read either way (this possibly takes place in another skyscraper - and these workers may have in fact survived - it was an attempt to show how random fate can be).

H

[Haunted]

I got it as soon as I reached this


showing off his latest camera
3.7 megapixels with a built-in zoom and flash
and all inside one tidy package
small enough to fit inside the pocket

you did an awesome job in telling the story without telling everything...unlike you know who...:p

but it's "elevator" that totally won me over, may I say it lifts my spirits :D

[hillwalker]

@Haunted - I have to admit it was your wonderful poem that inspired me to scribble this - glad you didn't feel I was treading on your toes, and thanks for your generous comments.

H

[dafydd manton]

Sorry, Hill, somehow I missed this one, although I have to confess I don't think I'd have got the reference without help. Knowing that, it is a very sad piece, and makes you think deeply. My apologies for not commenting earlier. Thanks!

[hillwalker]

Cheers daf - I think I would have gladly watched this poem sink into the oblivion of page 2 had it not been for Haunted's unselfish endorsement (I'm still unsure on how those closer to the event might react to my clumsy observations from the other side of the water).

[Haunted]

@Haunted - I have to admit it was your wonderful poem that inspired me to scribble this - glad you didn't feel I was treading on your toes, and thanks for your generous comments.

H

You kidding? I'm thrilled if I can get anyone on board on the same subjects. Look at Jerry, he's really going to town with 1948 ;)

imo yours is even closer to the heart of the tragedy by focusing on a cross section of individuals. Even on the much calmer side of the pond you captured what's first and foremost to these people: other people! When we talk about 9/11, it's not the politics. Its always this question: where were you on 9/11.

LOL I'm happy to resurrect this from the oblivion of page 2. Haunted's a bit slow in getting to all the good ones, but she eventually will. She's a scattered brain, cut her some slack :D

[dafydd manton]

Cheers daf - I think I would have gladly watched this poem sink into the oblivion of page 2 had it not been for Haunted's unselfish endorsement (I'm still unsure on how those closer to the event might react to my clumsy observations from the other side of the water).

Very glad you didn't!!!

[blank|verse]

I wondered where things were going with this line:

the scent of accusation in the air
but admit I didn't really cotton on; and on reflection, that line reads like it was written with the benefit of hindsight, in a poem which otherwise seems to privilege objectivity.

It's still a good poem, hill, with some enjoyable details, but maybe, on the whole, it was a bit too subtle?

Have you seen / read Simon Armitage's 9/11 film-poem 'Out of the Blue'? You can watch it (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yacjArDnRbY) or read it (http://www.aboutrufus.com/out_of_the_blue_simon_armitage.htm) via the links.

[hillwalker]

Thanks b|v - Simon Armitage is one of my favourites although I hadn't come across this particular poem.

The 'accusation' line could equally apply to the changing season so I thought it would not be too revealing so early in the poem - and subtlety was the intention for reasons stated earlier in the thread. As long as it is subtle rather than obtuse I can live with that...

Cheers H