Total Love = Sacrifice

[kittypaws]

I tip toe into your bedroom
Where you lay at rest
I look down upon you
So peaceful and sound

I can feel the tears
Well up in my eyes
As I miss you so much
My dear

But all it can do
Is send my love
And soul to you
As you are no longer near

I want to touch you
Hold you so close
But you are gone
With someone else

So here I stand
My heart in my hands
And as a tear drop falls
Towards your soul

I catch it in mid air
As I do not want to disturb
What you have found
elsewhere

If you are happy my love,
Then so am I
For I breathe and live
To see you smile

And if being in love
With someone else
Makes you pleased
Then so it shall be for me.

Kittypaws

[Delta40]

gosh - that is sacrifice. reminds me of the old cliche, if love something set if free....you must be an incredible heart Kitty

[kittypaws]

Delta ~ either that or a fool!

I tend to give of myself to much and I realize it....reckon I need to be put up in a straight jacket and stuffed away for a few days. lol! I don't think that would even make a difference!

kittypaws

[hillwalker]

A heart-warming poem that indeed shows what we will do for love, or for those we love.

Personally I would have left the title as 'Total Love' - the reader is then allowed to discover the extent of sacrifice as they explore the piece.

verse 5 I particluarly liked - and feel it would make a perfect ending without overstating the premise of the poem (which perhaps you are doing in the last 2 verses).

But you know how picky I am - this I did enjoy.

H

[Hawkman]

Hi kitty, I have a bit of a problem with the first verse. the set up is present tense,

"I tip-toe into your bedroom,"

the next line in cludes a past tense, lay

"where you lay at rest"

Well this would be ok as it matches the implication in the rest of the poem that the person being spoken about is physically absent, but you then go on to say:

"I look down upon you
So peaceful and sound"

which indicates that they are physically present. If you are talking about merely an emotional absence in a lover or partner who is still physically present then you should say 'lie' in line 2.

Best, H

[kittypaws]

Damn tenses! I always have problems with them!

I'll fix it....thank you.

Perhaps one day I'll figure out where I am and won't get lost in past, present and future.

kittypaws
:confused5:

[dafydd manton]

Delicately moving, Kitty. A lot of the narrator in there. Well done and thanks.

[PrinceMyshkin]

“Take hold lightly, let go lightly; this is one of the great secrets of felicity in love...”

Robert Orage

And yet.. and yet, I find it hard to believe in the sentiment of your poem, the selflessness of it. Yes, there is that tear drop that falls towards his soul, but I believe you owe it to yourself to let it fall...

[kittypaws]

I reckon it is as they say....
“If you love something let it go free. If it doesn't come back, you never had it. If it comes back, love it forever.”
by Doug Horton

Ya know Prince I have come to learn many things in my years but there is one thing I do not understand. Who is the "they" so often referred to as saying something?

Thank you for your insight and yes, when it comes to a complete feeling of love I am selfish...but once again I sit at my table alone.

C’est la vie !

Kittypaws

[Jerrybaldy]

Hi Kitty
it made me think that the person you are looking at is having an affair they are yet to tell you about, as you are still in there room. To be in that situation and still wish them well is love indeed or if they have never loved you then likewise.
moving eitherway
Jerry