Icarus Afternoon

[hillwalker]

ICARUS AFTERNOON

a tug of tension in the spleen
another nosebleed
sweet and rich as salt lick
thickened scabs of spittle on the lips
like phosphorescent blisters
dried to gossamer

lurching through the slo-mo life
each step too fast a blur
to notice being there
attach the harness to the hurricane
bite down
search for that brand new vein

a smear of crimson contrail
lights a livid fuse inside a stagnant room
a solar flare
ignites a black eclipse of pleasure
falling headlong
into methadonal sunset

a screaming vector
blue to bluer
chemical terrain abandoned
weightlessness then gagging
every dial delinquent
monitoring failed re-entry


H

[Delta40]

you have really captured the horror of drug use. its mingled with stark truth and poetic wonder - very powerful and beautiful at the same time.

[NikolaiI]

Yeah, ew - why don't people take care of themselves

[hillwalker]

Thanks Delta - it was indeed an attempt to find the beauty behind the despair
and Nikolai - unfortunately some individuals are programmed to self-destruct

[Hawkman]

Hi hill,

you've come up with another vivid and powerful piece, eloquently scribed as usual.

However, I might take issue with:

"lurching through the slo-mo life
each step too fast a blur
to notice being there..."

As you have opted for a "stream of conciousness", with no punctuation it's a little awkward to read.

might I suggest:

"lurching through the slo-mo life
each step too fast to notice
being there a blur"

Just a thought,

Best, H

[hillwalker]

Thanks Hawk for your kind reading..... and I agree this probably needs a couple of attempts to get the rhythm and sense right when casting the eye over it

your suggestion does indeed work, and read, as well as the original but does not quite fit in with what I was trying to say :

I was looking to convey spasms of accelerated attention or hyperactivity -
each 'step' is a blur that is too fast
and is indeed so fast that the N does not notice 'being there' (in the 'slo-mo life')

I guess both reach the same conclusion, I just liked the beat of 'each step - too fast - a blur' (know what I mean??)

but I appreciate the time you take to comment in such detail, and your suggestions are never wasted.

H

[Hawkman]

In which case:

"lurching through the slo-mo life
each step a blur too fast
to notice being there..."

would be my suggestion :)

Best, H

[PrinceMyshkin]

The thing for me is your implicit willingness to enter as fully as you can into the tohu va vohu of the user's mind, non-judgmentally, and present his experience as specifically as you might a visit to the neighbourhood supermarket, albeit a supermarket in Hell. Bravo!

[hillwalker]

Thanks again Hawk - I can see this new suggestion would work better

and Prince - total mess was certainly somewhere in the scheme of things when I began on this so thank you

[blank|verse]

Sex, now Drugs... you only need a poem about Rock'n'Roll to complete the set!

This is very Trainspotting, and no mention of Auden and his Musee des Beaux Arts.

The title, and the mentions in the last stanza of 'dials' and 'monitoring' after the character 'gags' suggests that things have gone wrong and medical assistance has been required, to possibly fatal consequences.

[Bar22do]

This is originally crafted; a cold enumeration of aggravating facts ending up in a void of what's customarily called "the worst".
It's so well achieved, it gives me gooseflesh. Thanks all the same, hill.

[hillwalker]

Thank you Bar - I apologise for the gooseflesh but I'm pleased it provoked some physical reaction all the same.

b|v - you are the only one to go on record here as having spotted the link between the title and closing stanza so you get the bonus points. I am sure that Irvine Welsh would have used more colourful language than mine. I'm now off to immerse myself in some Iggy Pop and the Stooges - or perhaps Primal Scream would be more fitting (in honour of Irvine).

Thanks both.

[dafydd manton]

I just want to know how you managed to get such an insight in to what must be a repulsive experience. It's certainly very stark, and frankly quite frighrening, which means it must be very powerful indeed. Drugs are for Mugs!

[hillwalker]

daf fear not - I just have a restless imagination (for exploring through writing, not through action I hasten to add).

[Jerrybaldy]

Hi Hill
enjoyed your poem much and reading through the comments, it was something that Prince said that struck a chord. You do not judge the characters and the situations you write about but leave the reader to judge for themselves. It took Prince to point it out to me but that is something I very much like about your work.
cheers
Jerry

[hillwalker]

Thanks so much Jerr - I never feel it is my place to judge anyone.